Romance and Relationships, v. 2013.1
New year, new complications.
Continued from v. 2012.3.
Date: March 2, 2013
Categories: Life
Comments RSS TrackBack 139 comments
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muselover
in March 3rd, 2013 @ 14:52There was a dance party held by some people from my church. I decided to come. She did too.
I like to think I’ve given up on her. I know there’s no chance.
Sitting outside, sad about social inadequacy and the fact that I don’t like any of the songs they’re playing.
“Hey.”
She’s right there.
“What’s wrong?”
“Eh, not much.”
She sits down.
“No, what’s wrong?”
“I dunno. I just…”
“Not much of a dancing person?”
I laugh. “Not much of a social person, really.”
“Ah.”
She’s quiet for a second.
“It’s nice out.”
“It is.”
“It is?” That’s it? Luke, you suck at this. Subject change time.
“I don’t really know the song that just started.”
“Yeah, I don’t know most of these songs.”
A few seconds pass. She breaks the silence when the guitar riff sets in.
“Wait a minute, this is ‘Beat It’! We know this!”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Want to go dance to it?”
“Sure.”
We go in and dance crazily. It’s fun. A slower song comes up next.
“Luke, I’m sorry, I promised Kai I would dance with him. Is that-”
“No, no, it’s fine. You go do that.”It’s moments like that that make me question. They keep me going. And they also keep me from moving on. I hope this reaches a conclusion soon. Whichever way it goes.
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 4th, 2013 @ 10:09So two of my best friends who are also my suitemates(/roommates) are now dating.
That’s cool. I’m not surprised, and I’m relieved I wasn’t just imagining things.
But it’s always awkward when your friends get together and suddenly you feel like a total third wheel and are constantly worried that you’re intruding. The fact that I live with them just throws the whole situation even more in my face every second. So while I’m really happy for them it’s a kind of uncomfortable, which makes me feel like a jerk.Meanwhile I’ve been having a really miserable several weeks and basically just don’t want to talk to anyone ever which is annoying because it’s also tech week and I’m finally at rehearsals, and therefore near someone I kind of like. I want to talk to her, but I feel completely unable (not just disinclined) to interact with anyone, much less try to figure out how to talk to someone I like.
Ugh. I just need to get away from here for a little bit, why is spring break 2 weeks away?
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Randomosity101
in March 4th, 2013 @ 18:07I have kind of an odd question: are constant death threats really that cute? Because, as I have mentioned previously, I am writing a book that includes Sage as a character, wherein he dies. (At first, the character just shared his name, but with Sage’s permission I am actually basing the character on him now.) Now every time Sage and I talk, or I talk about Sage, it seems like the conversation eventually includes some reference to this fact. And Ginger Kitten invariably acts as if this is the most R&R-ish thing in the entire world. *is confused*
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*Cskia
in March 4th, 2013 @ 18:52Swalot made me a Giant Space Squid shirt.
It’s just… OMGSQUEEEEEEEEEEEDSQUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDSWALOTYOUAREAMAZINGTHISISTHEMOSTADORABLE
I know what I’ll be wearing to Kokons from now on.
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Areohawk
in March 4th, 2013 @ 22:45Don’t forget to mention that fact taht you now owe me a lot of hugs and squishes and etc!
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Justice
in March 28th, 2013 @ 22:03Ohey you’re on blog now.
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 7th, 2013 @ 22:26I always feel kind of weird when I’m attracted to or like more than one person at once, even though I’m single and not even in any kind of flirty anything with anyone.
It’s just….I dunno.
Regardless, it happens.
I asked girl who is cute (and actually not-straight) if she wanted to go to contra, but she was going to go party with the rest of the cast. I’m not surprised, it’s what I’d do if I were actually part of the cast instead of just backstage help. Ah well.
And earlier the girl who is very pretty but unfortunately straight called me “darling” and I kind of melted a little bit even though I know that it was nothing and wouldn’t ever be something.Ah well.
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Justice
in March 28th, 2013 @ 22:02I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t crushing on multiple people at least a little… but I’m not monogamous so…
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muselover
in March 10th, 2013 @ 19:58“I’m sure you’ll see this at lunch today because I’m going to retreat and won’t be there to drag you away from the computer. Look, you have to tell that girl you like her. Tell her today, while I’m gone. And then when I get back you can tell me what happens and then stay away from me because any girl who sees us together would assume we’re much more than we are. Don’t be an idiot. Tell whoever she is that you like her and you want to date her. Don’t back out either. I don’t want to hear any objections. You’ll never know how she feels if you don’t try and I’m sure she’ll say yes because you’re a catch Luke. Just don’t back out. And I mean what I said about you hanging out with me. We’re too close. I can learn to live without you. I’ve walked to classes and eaten alone all my life. I can do it again. Just tell her. If she’ll make you happy, do it. You deserve that much, Luke.” – I’ll call her Ms. Tower Defense
I haven’t mentioned her on here, have I? There’s too much to explain about the two of us, but let’s just say that after I broke up with Ms. Zippy (another impromptu nickname), Ms. Tower Defense became one of my best friends. You can deduce the rest from the above.
I talked to one of my best friends about it. She said go for it. I talked with my parents about it. They approve. (That’s a first.)
So why can’t I do it? Isn’t this what I’ve wanted for months?
I’m reminded about that bit from Will Grayson, Will Grayson where he talks about universal truths. It’s true I want this to happen. It’s true that I’m utterly scared of what the outcome might be.
GAAAAAAAAAHH CONFUSION
And also Ms. Tower Defense is actively attempting to separate from me as much as possible. That’s gonna be fun, finding someone else to eat lunch with. At least until I actually get the guts to do it.
I wish I were one of those guys who can just ask a girl out and move on to the next one if they say no. Then again, those guys tend to be total jerks.
[end stream of consciousness]
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Agent Lightning
in March 11th, 2013 @ 19:39Re: That last part: Hey, I like you the way you are, that is to say, not a total jerk. Take comfort in the fact that you’re actually a decent guy: soon you’ll find a girl who will appreciate you for who you are.
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muselover
in March 11th, 2013 @ 21:03And I have a feeling she almost certainly would. It’s me who’s having issues.
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Maths Lover ♥
in March 12th, 2013 @ 07:33*prods* Would it help if we also pestered you into doing it, or not?
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muselover
in March 12th, 2013 @ 18:51I suppose so. Everyone else has, and each time has made me slightly more confident. Slightly.
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Jadestone
in March 16th, 2013 @ 06:03okay wait hold up
liking someone DOES NOT MEAN IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES you have to abandon other friendships
even if you think they might be giving someone the “wrong idea”that is the sort of thing that can be communicated verbally! Friends are one of the MOST important things you can have and it made me really, really sad to see this poor girl trying to sacrifice her friendship with you for the sake of your romantic life because it does not have to go that way! Esspecially because it sounds like she doesn’t have a lot of other friends to hang out with.
Certainly, I think you should just ask this girl you like out. Just make yourself go for it.
But don’t feel like it’s a good idea to sacrifice other relationships to to so!
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muselover
in March 17th, 2013 @ 10:41See, that’s what I think too. There’s a lot of other backstory involved (namely the fact that Tower Defense had a thing for me immediately after I broke up with Zippy and I wasn’t ready for anything yet), but I really do want to keep that friendship.
The trouble is that I don’t think she’ll ever let me.
Anyway, gonna try again at some point this week.
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 11th, 2013 @ 17:32Okay yeah never mind just kidding I have no idea about anything.
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 11th, 2013 @ 22:12Except maybe there is potential for things going well or something? SHOCKING.
But I’m the absolute worst at initiative, and this situation probably requires it. Hnnnnnnnng 7 0
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 14th, 2013 @ 11:45Alright, this is silly.
But at the same time, it’s been awhile since I’ve wanted to jump around like a fool after just talking to someone for a couple seconds, and it’s been even longer since it’s not also been hugely agonizing because of Reasons. 8 0
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muselover
in March 14th, 2013 @ 18:14“Hey, R, can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure, Luke, what do you need?”
“…”
“…”
“…nevermindsomeothertimeseeyoutomorrow.”…
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Choklit Orange
in March 14th, 2013 @ 23:12*prods gently*
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*Cskia
in March 16th, 2013 @ 03:32*prepares pies*
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 14th, 2013 @ 22:28Contra starts at 8, I got there at about 8:30.
“Hey, V’s looking for you.”
Didn’t find her because there were a billion other people there, danced that dance, and then with the exception of three contras, we danced together the rest of the evening (until 11), including a waltz, talked during the break, then walked back and she hugged me.ANYWAY.
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Axa
in March 15th, 2013 @ 19:16:33333333333333
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Maths Lover ♥
in March 15th, 2013 @ 21:11Ooooh. I like the sound of that.
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Justice
in March 28th, 2013 @ 22:00Glassboro took me contra dancing last night!
So much fun and flirting and spinning!Eeeee! I’m working my way up so I don’t know the story with this lady but it sounds very exciting.
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shadowfire
in March 16th, 2013 @ 15:06One of my best friends and I are both crushing on the same (straight) girl.
…I guess it’s better that neither of us has a chance than that one of us does and it causes a conflict? 0 9
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Randomosity101
in March 17th, 2013 @ 11:15Is it possible to fall for someone’s writing style?!?!?
Because Sage just sent me a critique on the part of the story I’m writing that he’s read. You know, the one he knows he’s going to die in? He sent it via email, but he still…
He uses old-fashioned terminology and a grammatical style that makes it seem like he’s thinking too quickly for his words to keep up, and too conceptually to pay attention to the specific words he uses.
It’s not the first time I’ve read some of his writing either, it’s just…
cakeitSagewhydoyouhavetobesocakingperfectyoucakingcake
I think it’s official. I think I have a squish on this guy. >.>
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 18th, 2013 @ 17:56Wait what how are my comment and Cskia’s the only purpled ones on this thread guys my news is nowhere as adorable as them.
So, I guess this goes here because I don’t know where else it would go, but I’ve now upped my count of People I’ve Known Forever To Whom I Have Come Out To to two. (There are three identical sounding words in a row in that sentence. What is the English language.)
This weekend I talked to one of my friends who’s a bit like an older sister (and who is bi), which was really nice. I asked her for advise on coming out, since she knows my mom. She was unsurprised and supportive, which was nice.
Then today in the car on the way to the library with Dad I mentioned it. I’d been debating whether to tell my parents together or separately, but it seemed to be as decent a time as any, so I did. He was unsurprised, we talked about it for a couple minutes and then the conversation moved on to how to replace the wipers on my car and I guessed that the issue is finished.I’m still worried about Mom and how to tell her, but so far it’s nice that the reactions have been unsurprised nearly to the point of dismissal. I mean, they’re also the people who I figured would be the least concerned, but still it’s encouraging.
On the other hand, I had a hard time biting my tongue when someone was making homophobic comments this past weekend. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I stayed quiet. 5 6
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fireh
in March 18th, 2013 @ 19:28Okay so there is European Boy, who is super adorable and has curly brown hair and bright blue eyes and is just ughakdjfakdfkasmca but um he will probably never like me back so eh.
And then there is Filipino Boy who is a grade below me and probably like almost 2 years younger than me and apparently has a huge crush on me which is kind of my fault because my ‘being friendly’ is other peoples flirting, but umm? In my defense i was NOT flirting with him and really when i say someone is my ‘favorite’ something (i referred to him as ‘favorite asian’ a few times) because all of my friends are a ‘favorite’ something– there’s favorite white girl, favorite blondie, favorite midget, favorite ginger, favorite saxophone player… you get the point. And I really don’t know how to be friends with him (cause he is cool.. just too young and umm yeah) without leading him on or hurting his feelings?
*Also, did i mention European Boy is kind of a hipster and plays excellent jazz piano and has enormous hands which is kind of a thing for me and BROWN HAIR AND BLUE EYES which is like the most attractive combination ever plus he’s EUROPEAN and european guys are hot
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muselover
in March 18th, 2013 @ 19:43Well, I’m officially to the “I need to talk to you at some point in the near future. Not now, though. Later. At some point.” stage!
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Randomosity101
in March 19th, 2013 @ 19:56Blah. I think I’m going to ask Deino if he knows Ginger Kitten (whom he’s dating)’s last class’ room number. Because she has class with Sage.
*headdesk* I think I’m officially too caking pathetic.
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Choklit Orange
in March 20th, 2013 @ 22:52You are anything but pathetic, darling.
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Randomosity101
in March 21st, 2013 @ 15:11Thank you, Chok. Now I just need to convince myself of that…
Oh, and I keep forgetting to ask Deino, so maybe it’s a non-issue after all.
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muselover
in March 20th, 2013 @ 19:56oh my goodnesses what have I gotten myself into
so I actually managed to talk to her alone and came up with this cakey analogy because I wasn’t quite sure whether she was taken or not and finally she just said “am I the necklace?” and I said “ahhhhhhhhhh I don’t know I think I’m attempting to semi-ask-you-out” and she said “well I don’t quite know you well enough to, like, be your girlfriend or anything, but I wouldn’t mind going and doing something with you some time” and we didn’t figure out a time or a place or anything but that’s a thing now
“Today’s technique: POLYSYNDETON”
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Robert Coontz (Administrator)
in March 21st, 2013 @ 06:15Good for you! Now you can stop worrying about clever ice-breaking techniques and start thinking about fun things to do together.
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Maths Lover ♥
in March 21st, 2013 @ 06:24Yes, good for you!
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Agent Lightning should be composing right now!
in March 21st, 2013 @ 19:10Yay!
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Luna the Lovely
in March 21st, 2013 @ 14:52Alan and I broke up.
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Agent Lightning needs to be composing right now!
in March 22nd, 2013 @ 05:15*hugs* I don’t really know what to say but I know this is hard for you.
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Luna the Lovely
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 03:10Thanks for the hugs and kind words, Agent Lightning.
Oddly enough, however, I’m actually not particularly upset at all. Our relationship had been strained for awhile, and I’d been unsure of how I felt recently, and between the fact that we’d go 2-3 weeks without seeing each other because I was so busy, it wasn’t that big a surprise, and if he hasn’t chosen to call it off, I likely would have eventually ended up doing so myself
I feel like I should be a lot more upset than I am, to be honest. I mean, we were together for over 2 years, but….I don’t really feel anything. I mean, I cried a little, not very much though, but I don’t really feel all that upset, nor do I feel relieved, I almost feel completely indifferent to the whole thing, which doesn’t seem right, but I don’t know
I still care for him as a friend, and I hope we are able to maintain a friendship, but I’m oddly unbothered by the break up. I don’t know if that’s because I’m so stressed and sleep deprived constantly (I haven’t gotten more than 4 1/2 hours of sleep a night for almost two weeks and have a minimum of two exams per week), or if its because I was kind of falling out of love myself, but…..I dunno. Maybe being ambivalent is normal….I have no previous break up experience to compare it to
Thanks again for the hugs and words. I can’t express how much I appreciate being able to count on my fellow musebloggians for love and support.
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Lizzie
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 16:35There is no one way you “should” feel when you break up with someone. Whatever you feel is the right way for you, yourself, to feel. Don’t stress yourself out worrying that you’re not reacting the way that society or other people tell you you should.
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Agent Lightning should be composing right now!
in March 24th, 2013 @ 09:29Well from what it sounds like, it was for the better that he broke it off with you, and you seem to see this point of view quite clearly. Relationships are tricky, and like Lizzie said there are no real “right” or “wrong” ways to feel. I’m glad you seem to be able to handle this, but I hope that your life stops being as stressful soon: it seems like you’re under a lot of pressure lately! *tea*
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Luna the Lovely
in March 24th, 2013 @ 12:19Thanks, AL.
unfortunately, I don’t anticipate my life getting to be less stressful for at least two more years…. 0 2
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Choklit Orange
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 15:56I’m sorry, Luna. *chai and hugs*
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TNÖ
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 01:21What, exactly, is the difference between a romantic relationship and a close platonic one, assuming sex is removed from the equation completely? Because, while at this point I am sure that I’m quite asexual, I have no idea if I’m aromantic or homoromantic because no one will explain to me what romantic attraction feels like except by conflating it with sexual attraction. Which is not. helpful.
I just.
The second I heard about asexuality in terms of human sexual orientation, it was like “oh yes, that’s me, the end” because I’m so far from ever having experienced sexual attraction that it took me until I was eighteen to even notice that other people my age were seriously interested in sex and not just joking like “haha, like people actually would want to do that” the way I was.
And initially after I learnt about romantic orientations I just figured I was aromantic, too, because I’ve never felt any particular inclination to date anyone regardless of gender, so hey! end of story.
But then lately I’ve been wondering just what the distinction between an extremely close and emotionally intimate friendship and a non-sexual romantic relationship is, and there doesn’t really seem to be a definitive answer? Because I do certainly have a desire for developing close emotional relationships with people and much more commonly those people are women rather than men but I have no idea if the type of relationship I want is a platonic or romantic one. Especially because, quite apart from being ace, I do not like touching people or being touched by them, at all, anywhere, ever, and a lot of romantic aces will talk about romantic attraction in terms of wanting to cuddle, the thought of which just makes my skin crawl.
These things. I don’t. help. 0 4
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Vendaval
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 14:25I don’t know if there is a difference.
Can I ask why you need a definition? 1 0
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TNÖ
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 16:23I feel like there must be a difference, because saying there isn’t completely invalidates every romantic ace ever and if there weren’t a difference, asexual and aromantic would be synonymous. Which they aren’t.
I’d like a definition because not having one means I have no way of determining exactly what my motivations are in seeking people out to form relationships, and now that I’m aware of that uncertainty it’s really, really uncomfortable for me. Usually when this sort of thing happens I can sit down and analyze it to death until the uncertainty goes away, but in this case, because I don’t have a working definition of nonsexual romance, I can’t do that.
…I’m not really explaining it well, sorry. But that’s how I feel, anyway. 2 0
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Vendaval
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 23:14If platonic love and asexual romance were the same, it wouldn’t invalidate romantic aces in any way. Maybe the phrase ‘romantic ace’ just carries more weight than ‘non-sexual but still loving’.
To take a stab at a definition- people in platonic friendships share their lives with each other, people in romantic relationships live their lives with each other.
I think that if you want to form a strong, close relationships with someone, that in itself is reason enough. Most people aren’t aware of their own motivations beyond “it feels good.”
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fireh
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 16:50For me, anyway (as a demisexual panromantic), romantic attraction is a feeling of pure contentment whenever the object of said affection is near, complete irrational trust in them despite the fact that I normally have an irrational distrust of human nature in general, and occasionally a desire to cuddle. But the cuddling isn’t really a big thing for me, because I’m a cuddle person anyway and I cuddle with almost all of my friends quite often. The important parts are contentment/feeling comfortable, trust, and feeling emotionally attached to them more than I would a normal friend.
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Randomosity101
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 19:37I can’t really help answer your question because I don’t know either, but I thought you might like to know that you aren’t alone.
Especially about the not liking to touch people, I mean, just… ick. I would literally rather have black ants crawling all over my skin than touch people, let alone cuddle. That’s because for me the sensation is almost the same, it’s just at least five times more uncomfortable.
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TNÖ
in March 23rd, 2013 @ 20:18That’s always a nice thing to remember
For me the touch thing is… I just don’t like the heat and the feeling of being enclosed. So yeah. 2 0
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oxlin
in March 25th, 2013 @ 02:01I’m not so sure of the difference myself. I have an entirely aromantic squish on someone that has lasted for quite a while. My goals there are generally “to become friends with this person.” I also have a friend who is super close to me. We became close last spring and generally cuddle a lot/have both been to each other’s houses, tend to stay in contact though I’ve graduated but we’re specifically not in a romantic relationship. What I feel towards her is a deep love and appreciation but without a desire for romance but with a desire for cuddles (which are somehow not romantic in that situation, something that confuses me more). I also have a best friend who I feel really close to but don’t have the same feeling of “I somehow love you deeply in a way that goes beyond friendship but is apparently not romantic” I suppose I might be sensually attracted to my close friend but not to my best friend. I have no idea. I have also had romantic crushes with additional sensual attraction (but no sexual attraction. I generally used to mistake sensual attraction for sexual attraction) and those are another completely different feeling.
So I’m as confused as you.
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TNÖ
in March 25th, 2013 @ 08:33I guess we can all just be confused together?
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muselover
in March 24th, 2013 @ 00:13I don’t know what to think anymore.
So Tower Defense pulled me aside after rehearsal a few days ago and told me that she and the other ASMs had been discussing me and that she was told that Really Handsome (which is my new name for her) didn’t actually want to date me; she just wanted to go on that one date.
Looking back, through some misconstruing, that could easily have come from what Handsome said to me, but that didn’t really matter, because that’s a really cakey thing for your friend to say either way. I told her that was tactless and went away and some other stuff happened and so basically we’re not friends anymore. (No, it wasn’t just because of that.)
So now I’m really conflicted about Really Handsome and we leave for Disneyland in two weeks and I want to do something before then. I can’t think of anything really and now I’m worried that it doesn’t even matter.
But I ASKED A GIRL OUT AND THAT’S MORE THAN HAS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE SO IT CAN’T BE THAT HARD IN THE FUTURE RIGHT
RIGHT
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 24th, 2013 @ 21:48Luna~ I’m sorry to hear about your break up. Like Lizzie said, it’s completely okay to feel whatever you feel. Break ups don’t all follow the same pattern, and not everyone feels the same things, and that’s okay. All that said, *hugs forever*.
TNO: I think that often we assume that a certain term must describe EXACTLY the same feelings for every individual, and that’s not always the case. The terms and labels we use to describe ourselves, especially when it comes to topics as nuanced as sexuality, orientation, romantic leanings, etc. are general indicators, but have a certain amount of leeway in their interpretation. Ultimately these labels are useful in providing a tool to explore what we feel and to express those feelings in general terms, but they don’t always mean exactly the same thing to everyone. If you feel like a thing describes you, then use it, regardless of whether you’re feeling attraction in the precisely the same way that another person who identifies with that term does. Also remember that these things are fluid, and you’re entirely entitled to change the terms you describe yourself in if you change or if you discover other terms that resonate more.
Meanwhile in Fern-land…
I finally decided that there would never be a perfect time for me to come out, and not doing so was just making me more worried and upset, so I might as well just go for it. So I did, and it went alright. Mom asked a few questions and was otherwise unconcerned, which was a huge relief.
Also, V sent me a message saying “I think you’re cute” and I replied that it was mutual and we messaged back and forth a bit, but things have been quiet and so now I’m kind of scared because I am the WORST at initiative and flirting and such. BUT STILL. 10 0
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Agent Lightning should be composing right now!
in March 25th, 2013 @ 13:55Congratulations on coming out to your mom! I’m glad it went well.
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Justice
in March 28th, 2013 @ 21:54Flirting is the awkwardest. All the luck and charm to you.
I’m so glad your mom was so cool.
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 25th, 2013 @ 20:11We’re having lunch together tomorrow.
I’m not quite sure how to take the fact that my roommates are super excited about all of this.
Also, I may or may not be having super freakouts right now because girls are scary.Also it’s been a fair amount of time since I liked anyone, and even longer since they liked me back and even longer since anything had any chance of going anywhere at all, and this situation appears to be all three.
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muselover
in March 25th, 2013 @ 20:58oh heckz yes
we’re goin’ on a hike on saturday
and it’s gonna be awesome
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Castle
in March 26th, 2013 @ 11:35ahw yiss
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 25th, 2013 @ 21:54Also just for the record, because every now and then I realize that I’m one of the crotchety old people of MB (which is still a terrifying concept):
JUST IN CASE you are like me a few years ago and think that somehow when you’re done with puberty or in college or hit your 20′s that SUDDENLY everything becomes clear and you suddenly aren’t awkward and shy around people you’re attracted to, and the heavens smile upon your relationships……..all of that is baloney you will probably be just as confused and terrified as you ever have been except you won’t have an excuse.That is all.
I’m sorry. 9 0
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Justice
in March 28th, 2013 @ 21:50… ruin all of my hopes and dreams, why don’t you?
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 29th, 2013 @ 00:08Hey, at least you’ve been warned and you can go through the crushing disappointment and disillusioned angst NOW and then when you get there be ready for it instead of feeling like there is something inherently wrong because suddenly you’re almost 21 and the only marriage proposal you’ve ever gotten was when you were still in the single digits and therefore doesn’t count.
(But actually though, it seriously freaks me out how many friends of mine who I consider “near enough to my age” that are engaged or married or even divorced already because NO NO NO I AM STILL A LITTLE KID WHO IS SCARED TO TALK TO PEOPLE I FIND ATTRACTIVE. Though I guess to be fair my ex and I did talk about marriage, but only in the vaguest future-y terms. Which was terrifying then and remains so now.)
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Jadestone
in March 29th, 2013 @ 04:17WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE *ONLY* PROPOSAL
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 29th, 2013 @ 06:35My numerous marriages to Musers exist in a realm of their own, being too perfect to be compared with the everyday usage of the concept. ♥
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oxlin
in March 29th, 2013 @ 14:08Sadly, I’m not married to any musers. : (
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 29th, 2013 @ 14:41Will you marry me? ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
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oxlin
in March 29th, 2013 @ 17:12Certainly!<3 <3 <3!!
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Jadestone
in March 29th, 2013 @ 18:44Will you marry me as well??? ♥!
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oxlin
in March 29th, 2013 @ 19:32Indeed! <3! <3!
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 27th, 2013 @ 14:23SFTDP
Liking people is basically the worst ever. I was doing perfectly fine, managing to squash feelings and such into something resembling order, being comfortably bitter and alone, what have you, and then the feelings I was squashing started rebelling so I took a bit of notice, then they were all BOOM HAHAHAHA WE WIN! So now I’m all jittery which makes me feel terrible and every time I walk outside of my room it is a Frightening Endeavor and if I see the person I like I’m all “do I say hi? do I just smile? do I sit with them? WHAT DO I DO HALP” *internal flail*
And then I just write rambling run-on sentences about it all on the internet.
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 27th, 2013 @ 14:38It’s not actually as dire as I’m making it out to be (it totally is), I’m just whining (no actually this is terrible help me). I just feel awkward sometimes (and by sometimes I mean all the time ever and then more).
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Jadestone
in March 27th, 2013 @ 19:39Just remember: GET OUT OF THE SHOWER ♥
It will be okay! Things are NERVE-WRACKING AND TERRIBLE FOREVER but I find sometimes it helps to stop thinking about what other people might want/think of you. For instance: You see said person. Do *you* want to sit down with them and talk? Or just say hello? Do what you think you want, not what you think they might want you to do. It can be hard to separate the two (I am REALLY REALLY BAD at this, I almost always make decisions based on what I think will make other people happiest regardless of how I feel myself, though I am trying to be better at it).
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 27th, 2013 @ 21:05Oh my gosh yeah the shower….
I’m just really bad at assuming that everyone is way more judgmental about my actions than I am about theirs. Not because I think I’m a saintly unbiased person, but because I guess that everyone else sees me the same way I do, but for some reason because I can’t see all their insecurities they must not exist. It’s weird, I dunno.
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shadowfire
in March 28th, 2013 @ 09:54So in an amusingly terrible plot twist, it turns out that my friend and I are not the only girls with a thing for our only straight friend. Turns out another of my friends (also female) is in the same boat. This is getting more and more sitcom-like the longer I think about it.
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Justice
in March 28th, 2013 @ 21:52I’ve been having some similar ladyfriend love triangles.
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shadowfire
in March 29th, 2013 @ 00:58Not sure whether to laugh or cry. A fourth girl has announced her being in the same situation.
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Maths Lover ♥
in March 29th, 2013 @ 03:20Wow. I know all about unrequitable crushes sucking, but… truth is stranger than fiction?
Hi, Justice! Haven’t seen you in a while.
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Agent Lightning needs to be composing right now!
in March 29th, 2013 @ 14:05…wow.
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fireh
in March 29th, 2013 @ 11:31I think that my problem is I hang out with guys so much that they consider me to be a honorary guy, and therefore not dating material.
Oh well. 0 9
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Agent Lightning needs to be composing right now!
in March 29th, 2013 @ 14:04“Hermione! You’re a girl, why don’t you go to the ball with me?”
“Oh, well spotted, Ron.” 10 0
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The Bookworm
in March 30th, 2013 @ 00:43I’m in the exact same position only with the genders all flipped. (i.e. I’m a guy and all my friends are girls).
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Armada
in April 14th, 2013 @ 16:50You’re not alone there, believe me. *eyebrow raise*
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Randomosity101
in March 29th, 2013 @ 13:09fireh – I’m kinda in the same situation, so I can (and do) freely give you my sympathy. Unfortunately, if you want complete honesty, I am not exactly in the same situation – since I don’t consider any of them dating material either – so I can’t give you much more than sympathy. Well, sympathy and cephalopods. *gives squids and cuttlefish*
~
On a related note; I’m still not pursuing Sage, even though I am now certain of my feelings. If you’d like to know why, I can post my reasons, but that post would be obscenely long.
Anyway, it’s weird sending an email to nag someone to send a critique of your writing like he was supposed to do last Saturday if you have a squish on him.
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Agent Lightning needs to be composing right now!
in March 29th, 2013 @ 20:55That is the WORST– I can sympathize. It’s like before you have feelings for the person you’re totally chill asking/telling them whatever, and then afterwards it’s like in your mind they’re the most ridiculously judgemental person ever. *sympathy squids*
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Randomosity101
in March 31st, 2013 @ 19:20Thank you for your sympathy. Luckily for me, I don’t feel too bad. Generally when the subject of my story comes up in real life, Sage’s very vocally eager to get to the part where he dies, and we have a deal that I don’t send him a section until he’s critiqued the previous one. So I don’t feel like a horrible person, just… pushier than necessary.
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Midnight Fiddler
in March 29th, 2013 @ 19:15In which Fern liveblogs her quasi-romantic life because for the first time in a year she has one and it’s not horribly depressing break-up news. Okay that got dark in a hurry, I’m actually fine, really but WHATEVER THAT’S NOT THE POINT HERE THE POINT IS THAT I ASKED HER OUT AND SHE SAID YES SO WE’RE GOING OUT TO DINNER TOMORROW PANICKING WILL NOW COMMENCE OH NO WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR I NEED TO DO LAUNDRY STAT.
This is important because I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve ever actually asked anyone out, or even flirted without someone else explicitly expressing interest in me first. (I mean, she has expressed interest in me, but it’s definitely placed me in the most initiative-taking position in any sort of similar situation that I’ve been in before, and it’s not like this whole thing started, like the other times, with the other person being like “hey I like you/want to make out with you/other very obvious statement.”)
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oxlin
in March 29th, 2013 @ 19:33Yay! Have a good dinner!
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Agent Lightning needs to be composing right now!
in March 29th, 2013 @ 20:56Awesome! I’m glad for you.
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Selenium the Quafflebird
in April 1st, 2013 @ 01:52Have fun!
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Midnight Fiddler
in April 6th, 2013 @ 18:15Yeah, so that awkward moment when someone says they’re going out of town for the weekend and then you see them around campus.
Welp, I guess it’s time to give up again.
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Midnight Fiddler
in April 10th, 2013 @ 13:37‘K, so I’m really at letting things just slide, or deciding to give up on people easily. I’m not sure whether this is a good trait or not, but it’s a thing. Having stuff be unresolved, especially stuff that upsets or has potential to upset or confuse at least one person, drives me nuts.
So I decided that I’d take one last bit of action to avoid forevermore kicking myself around over something that could have been an innocent misunderstanding, because honestly, being a jerk doesn’t seem like something she’d do. I’m not saying this because I wanted it to be true, I’m saying this because she is a person who I felt is genuinely nice (major part of why I like her). Anyway, I sent her a message saying that I was sorry if I’d inadvertently annoyed her, that I had enjoyed what time we spent together, and if she wanted to hang out again she could let me know, and in the meantime I’d back off.
She replied, saying she has a hard time with timing and tends to use that as an excuse (which I completely understand, there have been so many times I’ve wanted to go say hi or whatever, but one of us was in a hurry or surrounded by other friends, or whatever), and that she’d like to hang out this weekend, was planning on going dancing tomorrow, and does like me.I’m glad that I second-guessed my reasons for writing things off and let the “but I think this person is generally good and maybe kind of similar to me in this situation” feelings endure over the “okay whatever I’ll give up forever” ones.
Not to be cheesy or whatever, but I would have felt pretty awful if it’d have just been a misunderstanding, because I’m always disappointed when things end on a sour note, regardless of what manner of thing they were, and especially when I have actual respect for the other person in question.So that’s a thing. I don’t know what happens now.
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Rebecca Lasley (Administrator)
in April 10th, 2013 @ 13:59Another friend of mine just went through something very similar when someone he liked had said something that seemed hurtful on the face. He, too, was extremely glad he decided to ask for clarification rather than go away feeling disappointed in the other person. (On balance, I’d say my own regrets have always come from not asking, even if the answers aren’t always what I want to hear.)
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Robert Coontz (Administrator)
in April 10th, 2013 @ 15:29It’s interesting: often our readiness to forgive, confirm, take offense, or give up says more about how we really feel about the other person than about how en feels about us.
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Midnight Fiddler
in April 10th, 2013 @ 17:44The reason I actually decided to say something was because it was bothering me, and I knew it would continue to do so if I didn’t speak up.
Basically timing is the worst for both of us, which is awkward and clearly a problem, but maybehopefuly surmountable? I don’t know, and I’m not going to worry about that right now.
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Maths Lover ♥
in April 12th, 2013 @ 21:43Warning: confused monsterpost ahead,
So I was hoping some biochemistry would happen in this chemistry class full of people I didn’t know before this year, and it is.
Lenara sits with her own friends and there hasn’t been a lot of contact, but enough for me to like her. I think. We have a mutual friend/acquaintance, who I will call Bashir.
It’s not like the two major, years-to-get-rid-of, crushes, I’ve had. But do I need to be head over heals in love to ask someone out and have a good relationship, seeing as we’d probably break up within the year anyway? (Year 12, planning to go to a prestigious university anywhere but here.) But does the fact that I’m considering that now just a sign that I’m desperate?
I’ve had plenty of minor crushes, too, and each has faded fairly quickly then faintly returned. I’ve been sick of the whole thing since the end of last year, but my normal state was liking someone, often whoever seemed least unattainable.
How much of this is my desire to have new friends? She has qualities my friends at this school sorely lack, unless I end up becoming friends with my lab partner Kira. Who is also smart, interesting, equally pretty/average-looking, yet I don’t feel much romantic interest in her. Is that evidence that I actually really like Lenara?
And how interested is she? Romantic interest fits those looks she’s given me and the few things she’s said to me better, but how much of that is wishful thinking on my part? (I confusedly agonised yesterday over whether to try to work out how I feel knowing I’d probably be miserable, but it turns out I care more about knowing the truth than I thought. So here goes.) But the chance of her even liking anyone of my gender is 3% or less. Though my internet-calibrated gaydar says “she’s not really really straight like a lot of your classmates, otherwise I don’t know”.
Basically, I’m confused about what I feel, I’m confused about what she feels, if the two don’t match I’m be miserable and if they do I might be miserable anyway, I’m sick of unattainable crushes that I never get to act on, and cookies if you read all that.
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Bibliophile
in April 13th, 2013 @ 14:12I meant to squid that, not pie it. Sorry about that.
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Luna the Lovely
in April 13th, 2013 @ 22:43How am I supposed to interpret the fact that when I come across a photo of my ex, my former flat mate’s mother, my former flat mate’s younger sister, and a former mutual friend in my facebook news feed, and I get a physical sensation in my stomach, a bit like I’m going to be ill, and then start crying?
Because I really honestly thought I was perfectly fine with this whole breakup thing, because I haven’t really felt like I loved Alan for, well, since leaving on Christmas break. And as messed up as it might sound, the last three weeks, I don’t hardly even notice the difference, no longer being in a relationship. I mean, with me being so busy, we basically went 2-3 weeks at a time without seeing each other, but we called and talked every night. And even without the phone calls, I barely notice the difference.
And a couple days after I got back from break, when he came over to pick up some things, I talked to him for an hour and a half about my break, and never once felt any sort of upset-ness that he wasn’t my boyfriend anymore. And I’ve not shed any tears about it, except the day that he broke up with me, and event hen I was fairly un-upset.
So I really don’t know how to interpret this. I mean, I’m quite familiar w/ that feeling in my stomach, it’s the same one I would get (still sometimes get), when I see my former flat mate, ever since our blow up fight mid-February of 2012. Except that when seeing this pic it was minus the feeling of wanting to eviscerate the [all sort of words you can't say on MuseBlog]. The level of dislike I have for said former roommate (who was something of a friend when we started rooming together), isn’t something I can even express into words really. But it’s a physical, violent dislike. And quite frankly, it would make my week if she flunked out of vet school (she’s a year below me), and even happier if soemthing far worse happened.
I blame her for much of what went wrong with mine and Alan’s relationship during the last year, because she really was, in my opinion. After she and I had our fight, she went behind my back and was hanging out with Alan for at least 3 months without my knowledge–they both lied to me about it, or lied by omission anyway. Alan copped to it for the sake of not lying to me when he tried to break up with me the first time last July. And she spent that whole time telling him that he wasn’t happy with me and that he should dump me, as did the other former friend who was in the aforementioned picture. As the little sister was present the day of the fight.
Alan had a crush on the [female dog] when we started dating, and even copped to the fact that he still ahd lingering feelings for her back in December when we were discussing problems in our relationship and I was considering breaking up because I couldn’t deal with it.
And in the sake of brevity, you can see all the gory details of what I’m talking about from the last year on the former R&R thread, post 163 etc.
TO expand on the former roommate, she, her little sister, and the former mutual friend in the above picture, decided to have a drunken cookie making fest at my apartment (I think it was a Friday night), the week before I had finals for that block. She never told me about these plans, so I was really caked off already, I’d hear about them through Alan, because he was invited. When I got back at 2 in the morning, the former friend was asleep on one couch,t he little sister on another.
I got up at 8am because I had a ton of studying to do. I made breakfast in our kitchen right outside her door at a very nice volume of loudness b/c I was still caked (yes, rude, I know). She came out, probably hungover to go to her bathroom (the door of which is 3 feet or so directly across form her bedroom door), I cornered her on her way back to her room, kept her from shutting the door, said we had to talk. she yelled at me to get out of her room, I stepped back (realizing being even as little in her room as just in her doorway was inappropriate) out of the doorway. We continued yelling at each other, and she physically backed me 90 degrees into her open bathroom door, and pinned me there and yelled at me 3 inches from my face. I restrained the urge to retaliate (mainly because I wanted to have the moral upper hand and not stoop to physical violence, but also because she is stronger than me and supposedly keeps a knife in her bra, and I didn’t feel like finding out if that was true). She yelled at me about not washing my dishes, I responded about how if the fact that I left dirty dishes inthe sink for a couple days was a problem, maybe she hsould say something about it, she told me it wasn’t her job, that I hsould just know to do it, etc.
Then she decided to get personal (at this time I ahd not said anything not related to the situation at hand, even if yelling was not the appropriate way to be handling things). I don’t remember exactly what she said, but she called my relationship with Alan into question, said some nasty things about it, her little sister (who I hadn’t even known was still there), came out of the bedroom and butted in (I told her “Stay out of it, you don’t live here.” Which is true.). The little sister retorted that she did, and former roommate very threateningly told me not to talk to her sister like that (when I didn’t even say anything inappropriate or untrue to the litltle %*(^%) ).
At this point, I gave up on being halfway nice, decided to get equally personal. She said I was a ***** and didn’t have any friends, and that I was never her friend, I responded in kind, but also pointed out what a manipulative little [bad word] she was, and all the ways that she had manipulated Alan when he had an unrequited crush on her. And I told her that she was going to fail out of vet school (despite being in the preadmission program, she almost got booted out of that for getting a C in a required class, “because she didn’t care about it”).
I made an apology for it all several days later (the next time that I was home at the same time as her), and she apologized as well, but…..Needless to say any friendly feelings I had toward her were gone, and just got progressively less friendly. By the time she moved out, I felt physically ill just knowing she was even in the same apartment. The last time I spoke to her was via facebook message to let her know when her moveout appt was schedule with the office (because they left it in a note on the door, so I politely let her know). She has since blocked me on facebook (not just unfriended, but blocked me) and even blocked me on messenger in our school email account. Which to be quite honest, I don’t get. I’ve not said anythign rude or threatening since well over a year ago, and I sure as heck haven’t been cyber harassing her. And when she passes me in vet school, it’s literally like I”m invisible, like there’s not even a person standing where I am (and that’s a hard thing to do, not acknowledge somebody you know, no matter how much you hate them).
And the fact that even after that fight (which yes, I know I was in the wrong for a lot of it too), Alan still kind of wanted to be friends with her, just made me hate her more, plus feel betrayed that he would even question the decision to cut her from his life after she treated me like that (because if our situation was reversed, I never would have had a problem cutting a mutual friend from my life after en treated Alan like that). So I always felt a little betrayed by that, and always felt like the former roommate was working to try and break us up (which was confiremd by the fact that they hung out behind my back for months).
And I tried to be okay with him being friends w/ her, I really did. But I couldn’t.
So yeah. long rant. Really sorry for that, I just. I don’t know. I need to rant to somebody. Because even though I don’t know why, and even though it shouldn’t bother me, the fact that he’s probably hanging out with the one person in this world who I hate more than anything? (because I’m sure there are photos that ahve her in them, and that I just cna’t see those because she blocked me) Yeah. It apparently bothers me. And I don’t know why. Because we’re not dating. And I’m okay with that. Who he hangs out with is none of my business.
So why do I care???????
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Luna the Lovely
in April 14th, 2013 @ 03:36It’s okay. I’m all good now.
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Luna the Lovely
in April 13th, 2013 @ 22:48So I posted a comment here and I think it got eaten by spam bots. I probably accidentally typed a non-MB acceptable word. Any chance it’s sitting in the spam filter and retrievable? sorry for the effort, GAPAlings.
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Maths Lover ♥
in April 17th, 2013 @ 21:46Well, I messaged Bashir (cake, it was scary making myself read her replies) and she said Lenara isn’t interested in girls or dating in general.
I’m disappointed, but not the way I’ve been in the past. At least this is a win for not attempting to deceive myself. Nice one, aspiring_rationalist!Maths Lover.
Hormones, you’d better accept this. No matter how hopeless your other prospects seem (and there are a few possible events coming up…), you are not going to drag these feelings up again. I’d rather have closure than vague hope continually bringing things to the surface. And for that reason, Kira isn’t an option either. Just don’t.
Unless you’re ace and aromantic, or have that kind of opportunity outside of school, or are actually happy to wait, going to a Catholic girls’ school has certain drawbacks.
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muselover
in April 22nd, 2013 @ 14:12So I guess that’s over with. *sigh*
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Selenium the Quafflebird
in April 22nd, 2013 @ 15:59Aw, I’m sorry. We’re here for you.
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fireh
in April 22nd, 2013 @ 16:39Guess who has a boyfriend?
(Hint: Me!!)He plays trombone and I met him at camp last year and he lives relatively close to me and he is adorable and eeeee
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Selenium the Quafflebird
in April 22nd, 2013 @ 17:17Fireh, that’s great to hear! I’m so happy for you. You two have fun now.
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fireh
in April 24th, 2013 @ 14:22oh believe me, we will be making the best of the month we’ll have together at camp this summer.
<3 7 0
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Agent Lightning
in April 28th, 2013 @ 13:29 A trombonist boyfriend! That’s great! I’m so happy for you. 4 0
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Cat's Meow
in April 24th, 2013 @ 22:45My long-distance boyfriend is coming from California for my senior prom.
That’s a sentence I truly never thought I’d utter! I was never sure if I’d have a date at all, and now I have a wonderful date with someone who I love – who I’ve been dating for more than five months! Then add in the fact that he’s arriving this Friday from California, staying until Wednesday, and staying with my family this time, and I’m really, really excited! He’s never been here before, so I’m looking forward to showing him my house, my school, my city, and so many other things that are important parts of my life that he’s never seen before. Of course, I’m looking forward to having him physically here, too, since Skype video chats are only so great. I can’t wait, and I feel so lucky! 16 0
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fireh
in April 30th, 2013 @ 18:52He came to my piano recital on Saturday and then we hung out in the courtyard for almost an hour afterwards. It was colder than I had thought, so I ended up hugging him for warmth most of the time. I think he’s gotten taller since the last time I saw him–I’m pretty sure of it, really, since I don’t remember only being as tall as his shoulders–but his hugs have only gotten better, with that. He’s just so very solid and there, and the way his arms wrap around me is just so… I feel safe in his embrace, and warm, and protected, and oddly complete. This past year there’s been a gaping hole in my ribcage that I haven’t been able to explain, but when I’m in his arms it’s gone again. And now the hole is even worse because I know what it is that’s missing… and I know that I probably won’t see him until June unless we figure something out, because he doesn’t have his license yet and my parents won’t let me drive into the “big city”…
I miss him even more than I did before, which is weird. I’d thought that being able to see him, even for a short while, would make the missing worse. But instead I miss him even more, because I’m left with a new, solid, tangible memory of how complete and safe and right it feels to be with him…On a lighter note, the only disadvantage of dating someone almost a foot taller than you are is that you can’t initiate kisses even when you want to because their face is like a mile higher than yours…
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fireh
in April 30th, 2013 @ 18:54*make the missing better, not worse. My brain was thinking faster than my fingers can type. SOrry.
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Armada
in April 30th, 2013 @ 21:03I think height differences are the most adorable thing in couples. ^_^
I’m really glad you’ve found someone you’re happy with, Fireh. And I’m sorry you guys can’t get together more often, but look at it this way, June is really only a month away. Hang in there, dear. *hugs* 5 0
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Ducky
in April 30th, 2013 @ 23:41D’awwwwwwwww….. *squees* STOP BEING SO ADORABLE (but please don’t, it’s wonderful.)
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Ducky
in April 30th, 2013 @ 23:46So it seems that it is possible to fall completely in love platonically, and it feels as wonderful and painful as people say romantic love is.
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fireh
in May 1st, 2013 @ 10:59Isn’t it though?
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Randomosity101
in May 1st, 2013 @ 15:21Squishes are weird. (Read: another Sage incident, but so small and one-sided it doesn’t even merit a recounting.)
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Cat's Meow
in May 1st, 2013 @ 20:41We just took him to the airport. Prom was amazing; sharing my life with him was amazing; actually, the visit as a whole was amazing. Saying goodbye (or “see you soon”) is the hardest part. I was doing a pretty good job of not crying, but then he sent a note from the airport for me when I got home reminding me not to bottle it up, and then I had a good cry. I absolutely love having him here. I look on the bright side of cherishing all the good times we had while he was here and looking forward to seeing him on Skype tomorrow, but I still can’t help missing him being here. Right now, I’m assuming that I won’t see him until late August when I go down for college. His birthday is the day before I start college, so my family and I will probably go down early and celebrate with his family. Then, I won’t have to say goodbye. We calculated today that we’ll be 24 times closer in college than we are now. That will be so, so amazing. I didn’t pick my school just because of him – Pomona is an incredible school in its own right, and I think I’ll have an amazing experience there – but it is so nice to look ahead to that at the end of the summer. I really can’t imagine it any other way! The summer could be tough, with the next four months probably going to become the longest time we’ve ever been apart (not that much shorter than the entire time we’ve been together) but we’re coming up with projects that we can do together – two-person book club, video game campaigns, watching our way through TV shows (starting with Dragon Ball Z!), working out as long-distance training buddies, and so on – to become even closer. I believe in us, so even though it’s hard today, I trust that everything can work out for the best. This visit has been amazing.
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Selenium the Quafflebird
in May 2nd, 2013 @ 07:04This is so cute. Reading this post made me so happy for you, Meow! I’m sure you feel very lucky to have each other. Goodbyes are hard, but I’m glad you had such a fantastic time seeing him and at prom. Courage for the next four months!
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40.1.1
Cat's Meow
in May 2nd, 2013 @ 09:31Thank you, Sel! You’re exactly right; we do feel very lucky.
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40.2
Randomosity101
in May 2nd, 2013 @ 16:12That’s great!
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41
muselover
in May 4th, 2013 @ 15:59How come I end up where I started?
How come I end up where I went wrong?I know how you feel, Thom.
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42
Selenium the Quafflebird
in May 14th, 2013 @ 10:52This may have been asked before on old threads, sorry if it has, but as I’m procrastinating (can you tell?) – While it obviously does depend on the people involved, what’s the opinion on acceptable age gaps in relationships (especially among teenagers/young adults)? I’m not necessarily thinking of sexual consent laws and all of that, but I’m interested to see what people think on the matter.
Just as a matter of curiosity; it’s not like I have anything else of interest in my life to post here, hah.
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42.1
Luna the Lovely
in May 14th, 2013 @ 11:21I’d say it depends a lot on what ages we’re talking about. For instance, a 22 year old dating an 18 year old doesn’t sound too bad. But a 16 year old dating a 20 year old sounds a bit off (and 17 and 21 is borderline). For whatever reason, right around 17ish, the size of what gap seems acceptable seems to jump a lot.
Two maybe three years seems alright for young to mid teens (but a 15 year old and 18 year old doesn’t really sound right), but around 18ish I feel like what feels comfortable to me jumps to a larger number. For instance, talking young adult, my sister got married at age 24 to a guy 8 years her senior at 32. And while I give them lots of grief about the age gap, it’s really not that big a deal. I think I’d be comfortable dating someone up to late 20s, but dating some 30 or older just doesn’t sound quite like I’d be to keen on it, but that’s just me (and if I met the right guy, I might change my mind).
Most of the guys I was interested in as a teen/preteen were 2 years older than me.
I think it changes a lot when you hit college age, what feels acceptable.
And it’s going to vary so much between any given person, what they think is okay (I mean, just look at the sexual consent laws you mentioned, for instance. Some countries that’s 14. And it varies just throughout the US as well. For instance, many states it’s 18, but others, it’s as young as sixteen, sometimes with additional rules, sometimes not–ie, in alaska, 16 is legal, as long as the older individual is not an authority figure in the kid’s life, like a teacher, etc).
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43
fireh
in May 15th, 2013 @ 16:47I am a terrible girlfriend. And I think I have commitment issues.
I just feel… trapped, sometimes. Especially with how far away he is and how infrequently we see each other; I find myself flirting with guys around me anyway. Girls, too. And a lot of the time I really don’t feel guilty about it until much later, when I force myself to. I’m starting to realize that I’m probably polyamorous. And I have no idea how to approach the subject with him, even though I know at some point I’ll have to, otherwise it’ll end like my past few relationships, with me breaking up with him for no reason other that I feel confined, restricted, and insecure being tied to just one person. I really want this to be a mutually non-exclusive relationship, but I have no idea how to approach that without hurting his feelings, because he really does mean a lot to me. I just can’t do this, though. I just feel stuck. And suffocated. And it’s pushing me to the limits of how far my tether will stretch.
(“familiarity breeds awful things in me…”) 0 5
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43.1
Randomosity101
in May 15th, 2013 @ 19:13This is one situation which I cannot give any advice on, but you have all of my support.
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43.2
Cat's Meow
in May 15th, 2013 @ 20:03Talk with him! I think you already know that you can’t keep this from him forever without hurting one (probably both) of you. Maybe he can propose solutions that you haven’t even thought of yet, or at least be there to support you with whatever direction you head.
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43.3
Gimanator
in May 16th, 2013 @ 02:45The mark of any successful relationship is good and honest communication! The more comfortable you feel with him, the better. If you’re worried about hurting him, talk about that too! You won’t regret it – feeling like you can be open about anything is probably the best part, it’s just up to you both to get there!
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43.4
fireh
in May 17th, 2013 @ 08:44Update: Talked with him about said issues. He doesn’t care at all, and “doesn’t see why people think [cheating] is such a bad thing”. Result: We are now an open relationship.
That was a lot easier than I thought it would be. 6 0
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43.4.1
Gimanator
in May 17th, 2013 @ 12:10Good to hear! The more you talk, the more you realise it’s easy to do!
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43.4.2
Randomosity101
in May 17th, 2013 @ 14:26I’m very glad that went so well!
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44
Catwings
in May 15th, 2013 @ 20:43Is this a thread to post ONLY problems with a love life, or can you post relationship problems about relatives and neighbors?
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44.1
Vendaval
in May 15th, 2013 @ 21:52R&R threads are mostly about romantic relationships, perhaps Just Friends better suits your needs?
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44.2
Robert Coontz (Administrator)
in May 15th, 2013 @ 21:53I’d say that non-romantic relationships are also grist for this mill.
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44.2.1
Robert Coontz (Administrator)
in May 15th, 2013 @ 22:38Hm, I seem to be outvoted. Strike that. The “Just Friends” thread does need to be revived, though it seems strange to apply it to relatives.
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44.2.1.1
Catwings
in May 16th, 2013 @ 11:20So… i should just post on the “Just friends” thread to get this problem about my aunt and uncle off my chest?
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44.2.1.1.1
Robert Coontz (Administrator)
in May 16th, 2013 @ 12:03Tell you what: we can use your question to launch a brand-new thread.
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45
Midnight Fiddler
in May 15th, 2013 @ 22:0244 (Catwings)~ It’s generally used for angst (codename: romance), but technically any relationship discussion is fair game. There’s a “just friends” thread which is the platonic answer to this one. Otherwise most of us seem to turn to rants and ‘plaints.
In other news I need to be on guard again and prepared to bead back any sorts of emotions at the slightest provocation.
(aka I talked to That Girl briefly again yesterday, after we’d both fallen off the face of the planet and not talked for weeks. Ugh why do I feel at ease around her like that even though I barely know her?!) 0 1
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45.1
Lizzie
in May 15th, 2013 @ 22:54From personal experience, do not be roommates with That Girl, you will end up hating her.
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45.1.1
Midnight Fiddler
in May 16th, 2013 @ 09:57Don’t worry. I’m rooming with one of my friends who’s coming back. I’m SO EXCITED, because we’re basically the same person (which is kind of terrifying) but I adore her. It will be a room of delicious vegan food and existential crises and stupid youtube videos and pantsless dance parties.
My suitemates (I live in a 2 rooms connected with a bathrooom setup) are dating. I’m super glad for them and all, but every single roommate turned romantic relationship I know of (which, to be fair isn’t a WHOLE BUNCH) has gone sour.
Also it’s always awkward when your friends start dating, and even more so when you live basically on top of them. 1 0
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46
Randomosity101
in May 16th, 2013 @ 15:42Three things, the first more or less unconnected to the others:
1) Call me a terrible label-er, but I like to have names for things/people. It helps me keep them organized in my head. Until this school year, I called myself asexual and aromantic. Then I couldn’t figure out what to call myself. Asexual and straightromantic didn’t really seem right somehow, and biromant/panromatic/etc. was just entirely wrong, since the only squish I’ve ever had was the one on Sage. as of today, I’ve finally settled on asexual and I-have-no-caking-idea-romantic.
2) You know the old saying “Speak of the Devil, and he shall appear”? Substitute the word “think” for “speak” and “Sage” for “Devil”, because I swear that is exactly what’s happening. I mean, I’ve run into him at the library before school a few times; he’s always there before school. But recently it has gotten to the point where any time I think about him, regardless of context (though usually related to his future death in my book – since that’s the context I usually think of him in) I’ll turn a corner or something and he’ll be there. As long as I’m at school, of course. At first it was distantly amusing, now it’s at the same level of freakiness as those coincidences I mentioned happening when we were in Sociology/Psychology together.
3) Since I haven’t been speaking to Sage regularly since first semester, my feelings for him have actually been steadily diminishing. At this point, I don’t feel any R&R type of feeling towards him at all, but oddly enough I have the persistent and distinct sense that if we were to get into regular email correspondence I’d probably end up squishing all over again.
Emotions make no sense.
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