Pie War 2007.2, Part 1
If you insist.
Date: August 18, 2007
Categories: Random craziness
Wednesday, 24 April 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
I’m not sure which thread I’m siding with yet. If this is what I think it is, it’s going to be FUN!
I’m siding with this thread. And vanilla.
I think that we should designate one thread “Vanilla” and one thread “Chocolate”, then we can invade each other’s threads with our Pieish armies.
I am neither Choclate nor Vanilla, but Blackberry, therefore I wander nomadically. And make treaties and the like.
I claim this thread for Vanilla.
No, this threads’ chocolate.
WHY DO WE HAVE THIS? It’ll just turn out to be the same as the last one, really. It’s not worth it. Don’t start one from scratch, just have it start if there is a reason. We don’t need a pie war for the blog to be fun.
5- I think more Chocolate supporters are on the other thread.
6- Look, do you like Hot Topics? Yes. Does everyone else like Hot Topics? No. Do we like Pie Wars? Yes. Does everyone like pie wars? No. We really want one, and we were going to start one whether there was a thread or not. I understand about the starting spontaneously, but I was at the point where I was ready to start one spontaneously on the random thread if I had to. You have no idea how many times I’ve had to refrain from pieing everyone within view just to have a pie war. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to participate. Also, there’s no reason to believe that this won’t be over in a week or two.
5- It was Vanilla first.
6- I know. There are plenty of other things to do here, but some of us are in the mood for one. Besides, we already have an issue.
Koko du Pelle has obviously created his own side: the Contradictions.
~
Journal.
Fort V is in an extensive system of caves. At the moment, it only has a geothermal generator and various necessities, not to mention the pool of blind cavefish. However, I hope to expand it soon.
After much hard work, I have constructed a large pie trebuchet from wood in the surrounding forest. Now to begin baking a pie the size of a double bed.
*sets up fort, putting weapons all around, Pie-War Wolfs alternating with pie cannons* Now, lessee. I guess that I’ll do the same for JS. *does the same for JS, with her fortress**pies all people not on the JS side* That’s a good start. Wait, I have an idea. *builds pie powered digging machine**hooks up JS’s perpetual pie making machine**digs new pie cave* Now, how to move teh fortresses down? *thinks**does it somehow*That should be good for now…
*speakers start blasting EK music at full volume to keep people away* Mwa, ha, ha. There’ll be more selection in a few weeks… Heavier, too!
My home of purple skies and creamy white cows has been ravaged by war. My sister Alice and I were forced to flee to safer waters, and we were separated. I have been looking for her, but I see no sign of my dear sister. Nonetheless, I have stumbled upon a strange and peaceful country, if a little tiring in its never-ending fluffy white landscape of rolling hills. How I long for my own home again!
Journal.
Just as I was putting the final seasonings on my VOBB (Vanilla Orange Banana Blind cavefish) pie, I saw a girl wandering just outside the cave mouth. She looked somewhat lost and forlorn, so I went to greet her and offer her shelter, as the dangerous Wafer Hurricane is approaching again.
The Hurricane is instrumental to my designs, in fact, but I will say no more in case of spies. End entry here.
~
*walks up to Ecila*
“Hello.”
I will create a side! Please join me. I’ll name it later. If you join you get to have a say in the name!
“Oh, hello, sir. Could you tell me exactly where we are? I’m a little bit lost.”
By the way, I have a small outpost hidden in a desert valley. an area of caves near (but not connected to!) Fort V hasone of the only sources of water. And, as of right now I am nuetral!!
“We’re in Vanilla, miss. I notice you seem to have a bit of a Fruit accent- Blackberry, or I miss my guess. You’re a long way from home.
But I’m forgetting my manners. My name is Prarilius Canix.”
“I am from Blackberry, as a matter of fact. So this is Vanilla. My name is Ecila.”
“Pleasant to meet you.” *glances up at sky* “We should get under cover. The Wafer Hurricane’s coming, and it’ll hang around for a few days. One moment.”
*fires off VODD pie from trebuchet, in direction of the Chocolate Castle*
“Had to do that now, so that the winds didn’t mess up its trajectory. Come on- Fort V’s just over here.”
*pies all of the ones who argue over ice cream* We’re musers, not people who eat ice cream! Eat pie!
20- No, we throw pie. I like to eat ice cream better than I like to eat pie. Don’t kill me.
*follows Canix with puzzled look on her face* “Forgive me, sir, for my ignorance, but why did you just throw a pie at that castle? Is this warfare?”
“I’m afraid it is. Chocolate and Vanilla are sworn enemies, and have been as long as anyone can remember. No-one ever dies, because our only weapons are pies, but that also means that no-one wins, and the war goes on interminably.” *sighs* “I suppose it’s better than real warfare, though.”
*enters the cave and beckons to Ecila*
“But the war has been heating up recently. A massive army called the Jadestones has set up fortresses on the borders of Chocolate and Vanilla, and is beginning to grow in power. A nomad known as Gwendolyn is wreaking havoc everywhere, and a small force has established a base in the nearby desert. I’m afraid that this won’t be a safe place for much longer.”
20- It’s not about ice cream. It’s the flavors in general.
This tree is a good vantage point. I can see a bit of the Vanilla cave entrance. Hopefully they can’t see me. They keep going past the opening, but nobody’s leaving. They must be waiting out the wafers. This storm is giving them time to plan. I’ll report back to Chocolate when I get there, but it could take until tomorrow night with the Jadestones lurking everywhere.
“Oh, dear.” *enters the cave* “It sounds more peaceful than the war that drove me out of my own country, at any rate.”
How did you get past my EK? I must stop you from getting too far… Ah, if I aim the pie cannon just so… And put in pies just so… And now FIRE!
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Now, I’ll need to turn up the music even louder.
I heave myself through the mouth of the cave, panting with exhaustion. I am wearing only khaki shorts and an “I survived the Escalator of Doom” T-shirt. I see many Vanilla troops staring at me, but I declare my allegence to Vanilla and hope for the best…
*Begins creating war machines*
….______
…[.o..o..o.|”\__//
_/_|__|_.|:|}|}_.
{_o_o_o_o_o_}
..__________
[===(oooooo)|\_
[|
Aghuaghlacacacacac….*gargles* MY CANNON!!!!
Are we all in the same cave? I imagine so . . .
“Who’s that?” I ask Canix.
“Apparently a friend of Vanilla.”
*glances outside*
“The Jadestone outpost seems to be firing pie cannons at a spy from Chocolate.”
*approaches new recruit Piggy*
“What’s your name?”
*pie lands on PC*
“Apparently the Jadestones now have it in for us. Let’s get into the cave.” *wipes off filling*
“I’m known by many names, but you can call me Piggy. Who’s boss around here?”
I am completely neutral!!!!!!!!!
*pies everyone who is even thinking about pie*
funfunfun.
We should let all the warring nations get together for a pie fight then all our worries would be over
“Me. Come in and I’ll explain more. Hurricane Wafer’s on its way.”
*once all are in the cave, begins speaking*
“My name is Prarilius Canix, and I’m commander in chief of the Vanilla army. Which, as of now, consists of you and me.
Speaking of which… Piggy, do you have any experience with building pie weapons? I found an enormous heap of scrap metal and pastry at the back of the cave- it’s probably a refuse dump from the last Pie War, so it provides plenty of material.”
*I stand up* “Sir, I have no desire to participate in warfare, but it seems inevitable. If I go outside, goodness knows what will happen to me. I cannot abandon my own dear Standard of Blackberry, but I will gladly make an alliance with the Vanilla Army, that is, you two.” *bows to Piggy and Canix and sits down*
I like making alliances.
“I appreciate it very much, Ecila. If we are victorious, I pledge to do my utmost in bringing peace to your homeland.”
“Thank you.”
Oops. That should have been under Ecila. Oh well.
Hey insane blue sage!! I’m uetral to!! Join me!! We/I shall conquer!!
Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
*pant,pant*
I shall join the noble army of Vanilla.
I beg thy pardon, leader, but I may not visit this battle field as oft as
I would wish to.
Wait, I hathhave changed my mind. I shall instead be from Orange, and mingle with the sides both. Thank thee kindly.
[“My mind hath changed” but “I have changed my mind.” –Robert]
“Well, I was a weapon-builder’s apprentice for a few years, so I might be able to build up our arsenal. Let me see what you’ve got.”
*looks around at scrap metal/pastry*
“Well, this is better than I expected. Give me a little while, and we’ll have weapons enough for many new recruits, as well as ourselves. But, um, I haven’t been able to think of any new and amazing ideas for pastry weapons since I left my master weaponsmith. Any suggestions, Commander?”
yay! a reason to continue visiting museblog! horay! I reform the pastry pirates…which for pie war reasons have decided to be vanilla…
oh…I get it now…*sets up barricade in front of dock where ship is* *begins making pie canonns*
“Well, to start, why don’t you set up a few blueberry pie swivel cannons around the various fortified entrances to the cave. And perhaps a large and versatile Cruise Pie Launcher with a range of up to 10,000 miles. And as a final addition, a few Strawberry-rhubarb Six-shooters in case of a last stand. That should hold us for a while.”
*wanders into cave questioningly* “ah…another settlement…but first things first…” *holds up pie threateningly* “who are ye all? oh never mind…I’m so confused since my ship was blown off course…” *drops pie and slumps to ground*
*grabs pie up*
“Are you a friend of Vanilla?”
*stares at gimanator, looks at post 46, then lowers pie*
“I’m sorry. I should have seen your Pastry Pirates declare allegiance to vanilla. I’ve been a bit confused, since I just returned from a secret spy mission.”
*pie cannon falls out of my cloak and onto the ground*
“Oops.”
*Looks questioningly at PC*
“Excuse me, but judging by your uniform you look rather important, could you explain to me where I am? And, yes I will make an alliance if it will save my skin here.”
“You’re in Vanilla, which is currently something of a war zone. Fort V, specifically. Piggy, over there-” *gestures* “is our Weapons Expert. Ecila here hasn’t found a position yet. She’s a native of Blackberry. I am Prarilius Canix, Commander in Chief of the Vanilla Army.”
“If you’ll excuse me, I have to put these 20 key-lime pie cannons at the entrances. They’ll hold us until Piggy finishes building the blueberry ones.”
“Very well. And I am Captain Gimanator of the Pastry Queen. My boat is not too far from here. May I inquire exactly who you are at war with? My boat is armed and could be of assistance to your cause.”
“We are at war with the Chocolate supporters.”
“Judging by these pies flying around I’ll be holed up in this cave for a while…”*Sighs* “I wonder how the crew’s doin..”
I meant the wafer hurricane…doy…
*Marches up to cave* “Oy! Cap’n! That you?”
“Gusteau? Hurry up and get yer butt up here, can’t ye tell there’s a storm comin’?”
“Comin’ Capt’n! I could tell, yessir, but ye were gone so long we had to come, ‘n Fredrick been hit by a machete pie, plus were outta healin’ creme!”
“What?!? PC, captain, sir, perhaps you have healing creme with you? We need it, and now Me ‘n my crew ‘r against chocolate. This means war!…we’ll have to retreive the cannons…but not till the storm clears up…” *paces back and forth*
“Healing creme… I believe there is a canister in that old junk pile from the last Pie War. Sealed, so it should still be potent. I’ll get it.”
“Excellent, We’ll take up arms immediatly!”
“Gimanator, I have some instructions for you. However, they will take great nautical skill and daring. Are you and your crew willing?”
“Well, as you can see, I’ve got blueberry swivel cannons placed around the entrances, and I’ll have your strawberry-rhubarb six-shooters whipped up in no time at all. As for the Cruise Pie Launcher, I’ll need to go and acquire a few more parts, but it’ll be ready by sundown tomorrow. Oh, and I’m mostly an offensive smith–meaning I don’t have as much experience building up defenses, not meaning that I offend people. Perhaps Ecila could try to work on our armor, shields, etc. Do you think you could attempt that, Ecila?”
“I would be honored to avenge my crew members, you c’n count me in!”
“Very well. I’ve prepared a couple of gliding wings. Attach those to the Pastry Queen and launch it out onto the ocean. The winds from Hurricane Wafer will probably lift it up into the air.
Now comes the tricky part. You must navigate the ship through the driving wind to the eye of the hurricane, where it will remain stable. Wait till the eye passes straight over Chocolate Castle. Then take a selected body of crewmembers, leaving others aboard to mind the ship, and parachute down into the castle with the key lime cannons that I have provided. If you are losing badly, return to the Pastry Queen, but otherwise do not stop your attack until the castle is either conquered or razed to the ground.”
“I will prepare Immediatly…hmmm…i’ll need Gusteau…Fredrick…”
“Perhaps I should take an aerial assult instead? My ship is armed, mind you.”
“Go ahead, but I still recommend entering the eye on the way, as it will prevent the hurricane from blowing you off course or damaging your ship.”
“naturally. And thus I will see you soon!” *Puts on captains overcoat, and sets off*
Meh. I might side with chocolate just bcause it apparently dosen’t exist. I said MIGHT!!
Far from the country of Orange, a girl with the sharp tones of that accent walked along a road, shielding herself from the wafers that were raining down all around her. She was tall and slim, wearing an orange floor length dress. She stopped to speak to a passer by;
“Pardon me, good sir, but would you be kind enough to show me the path I must now take? I hath lost my way in this country of Vanilla, but I wish to go forth to the castle.”
The man replied;
“Lady, there is no castle here. You should go to chocolate if you wish to find a castle. They have three.”
Lady Cinnamon Moon of Orange took the path he indicated, and set out for Chocolate.
I managed to gather 41 people for the raid, 42 including myself. It isn’t a lot, but until we know what we’re up against, we’ll have to take what we’ve got and use brains instead of braun. I order everyone to stay in the abandoned cave we found. It’s pretty far from Fort V, and was probably deserted in the last Pie War. I take 2 people with me to scout out entrances. They’re twin boys, probably 17 years old, and were some of the first to join my raiding party. The wafer hurricane has passed, and the secondary storms are almost passed. We’ll need to be quick. Break the weapons and leave.
*evil laugh* They are all falling into my trap… Now I just sit back and watch it work. All shall admit that the Jadestone side won this time. *eats food**fires a random pie out of the cave mouth*
75- I frankly don’t care about fighting the Jadestones. All I want is to defeat Chocolate.
Piggy, Ecila! To the guns! I just saw a couple of kids break cover and run, wearing the uniform of Chocolate! Maybe they’re part of a scouting mission. If so, we must not let them discover us.
So this is vanilla? OK, buh-bye then. Sorry but I am a chocolate person.
“I pied them both down. They probably won’t get out from under the blueberry mess for another couple hours. But this shows that the Chocolate side is attacking. We must remain vigilant in case Gimanator loses.”
*ducks* Oh no! the guys got hit with blueberry! I’ll have to take them back to the abandoned cave and wait it out a while. Hopefully the Vanilla will think we don’t have many people and got scared off. I drag my fellow scouts back to the cave and some others start to clean them off. A few of the group are doubting their decision to come with me. I’ll have to get them pumped up.
Later that night…It’s the middle of the night and I just woke up. Everything is silent and I don’t think the V has many guards around.
I leave a note to my crew on chocolate paper “I’m going to get weapons from the V fort. If I’m not back by dawn tomorrow go back to chocolate and prepare everyone for battle. Eat this note.”
I tiptoe out of the cave, and when I’m out of earshot I run. When I see the entrance to fort V I drop to the ground. I crawl to the side of the building and look for another entrance. There isn;t one. The only way in is through the main door. There’s a guard, but he’s sleeping. I stand around the corner for a few minutes and listen to the guard’s breathing. I think I hear footsteps. I convince myself that it’s my imagination and start to slide toward the entrance when a hand on my shoulder almost makes me scream. “Come with me spy.” hisses a voice. “I’m not from Vanilla. Just come with me.” I go with the mysterious person, for fear that they’ll force feed me gummy bears until I explode. We go the opposite way from the cave my crew was hiding in. Jadestone territory.
“Captain! The Cruise Pie Launcher is fully operational. I think I should set up some Automatic Cherry Turrets around the perimiter. Will that be all right?”
65- Yes, Piggy, I think I could.” (Sorry for the lag-time. Pretend I said it earlier.)
I throw down the sheet of steel with a crash. “This is ridiculous! What will steel do against pie filling anyway? It’ll just be heavy. I’m going to make something else.”
I walk away into the back of the cave, clearly planning something…
I haven’t even been to the other thread yet, and I don’t understand this well, but just so you know, no side (including Jadestone’s, Glassboro ) will win over Zemtee, as she shall not be involved in this war.
I rejoin the Jade-Ops .
“Well, Captain, I’m going to go ahead and set up a turret-defense system, so, as usual, I need to go and acquire parts from enemy territory. I’ll be back by sundown.”
84- There are no JadeOps. We’re separate.
86-Okay fine I join Glassbro’s side.
H87- He’s on the Jadestone side. As am I, as you may have guesed.
I join the side of Vanilla as a new recruit and pie flinging inventor.
*tosses vanilla cremee pies at visionary target*
*HQ, we need more force on these slingers, they don’t have enough to go a thousand*
88- Yes, I serve only my master Jadestone. On the pie wars, at least.
87- Please, please, please spell my name properly.
I’m going to work on a treaty as soon as I can. I just want to end this and get on with the normal blog.
88-THIS MAKES NO SENSE!!!! So its not called the jade-ops anymore??
What doesn’t make sense? The JadeOps only existed near the end of the Great Pie Wars. They were completely temporary, an alliance between the Jadestone Side and The Opposition. (And alliance which, may I point out, was suggested by The Op.)
heh…in other words, it sucked.
uh ok BACK to the action?
93- Did you just insult either the Jadestone side or The Op, or anyone else?
92-Okay. Got it.
95-what I insulted was the alliance, not either side.
97- The alliance did not suck. I wish it had. It got really close to beating the LOPWAPDU.
That is still just as insulting, to both of us. What do you have against it?
98- It did beat them. What can’t you understand about the fact that the Jadestone side won the pie wars?
100- As I recall, we were all still fighting when the treaty was signed. Perhaps my memory is incorrect. I’ll check.
I’ve checked through old records and these are my findings. Sweet Melponeme threw the last pie of the war, which blew the LOPWAPDU into deep space. However, Dandelions are Wildflowers returned from a similar predicament, none the worse for wear, so it cannot be claimed that that was the decisive blow.
However, the Jadestone side won. Just accept that, and I can start working on the treaty.
*sigh*
in order to settle your affair…the pastry pirates won.
no, I do not have anything against the jadestone side, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m usually nuetral.
I don’t see how my acceptance of your victory has any bearing on the treaty. Would you explain?
it doesn’t. that was just for fun. by the way, the treaty was broken, we’re at pie war, now.
106- I was talking to Glassboro.
Actually, this pie war is for totally different reasons, and at a totally different place in the Musiverse. The treaty still holds in Museica.
oh, wait the treaty states that we can’t pie about hpbs…but we’re still at war.
105- It means that I don’t have to argue with you.
104- Who are you?
I need to get that treaty written soon.
Let’s just accept that neither of us will admit we’re wrong, and drop the subject.
hey pc, are you Jasper E. from no this is a pie war?
111- Yes. Jadestone blew my cover, presumably looking at the Who’s Here page.
112- Actually, I guessed it was you. Didn’t need look there to know.
The alias isn’t on the “Who’s Here” page. We didn’t want to spoil the fun.
109-If you look at the anagrams thread, you’ll find out. Besides, who else was on the pastry pirates?
113- I’m impressed. I must have a signature style. (I thought of writing in all lower case, using chatspeak, and misspelling things, but I just couldn’t bring myself to.)
I’m making the Shadowed Pies (or whatever they were called) again!!! Whoever wants to join me can!
*pies all who do not join, knowing that they won’t care, but figuring she’ll do it, anyway*
116- I’m just awesome like that.
the last true post was 80. down with pie war! up with this is a pie war.
119- That’s because nobody has attacked us.
PIES!! *Pies*
I am so confused, now. I don’t mean to insult anybody, I take back what I said.
120- so? attack cholkit!
123- Have you read the other thread? Chocolate is in ruins because we attacked it.
123- but on this therd. and jadestone is talking about taking over cholkit.
I can’t attack Chocolate on this thread. Chocolate is on the other thread.
116- Yeah, there’s something about the way you write that makes it fairly obvious. I honestly can’t say what, because I don’t know. I could tell you weren’t Jadestone, who was the only other suspect, despite the fact that she was the one being betrayed, and that was all I needed.
Now. This thread is becoming boring. It needs a pick-me-up. But what? I can’t very well attack it, since I’m on it. Hmmmmmm.
This thread is the most successful one precisely because it’s boring. We’ve taken the fight to the enemy, and Fort V has only once come under attack.
128- True. Well, I’m bored here.
I returned from a walk to find Fort V empty. All the non-stick armor and weapons had been taken, and a note was pinned to the cave wall. It read:
Ecila–
We’ve gone to Chocolate. We were going to take you, but you weren’t back yet, and we couldn’t wait.
Prarilius Canix
Piggy
Giminator
“Bother!” I said, quite loudly. It wasn’t that I minded missing the battle, but it was annoying to be all alone in the Fort, with nothing happening. I had finished making the non-stick armor only last night, so I didn’t have anything to do.
I waited a few hours to see if the Vanillas would return, but they did not, so I decided to go out and search for Alice again. I packed my bag and was about to leave, when I caught sight of a little pie pistol hanging on the wall. On an impulse, I picked it up and stuck it in my bag with my clothes and toothbrush, and then I found a pencil and wrote a new not on the back of the old one:
Canix, Piggy, and Giminator–
It is excruciatingly tedious all alone in Fort V, and I feel that I should be looking for my sister. So I’m going to go find her. I’ll be back in a few days, probably with my sister, who is a much better fighter than I, and will be very useful.
–Ecila
P.S. I’m taking th pie pistol. I hope you don’t mind, and I’ll try not to damage it.
(this post was started on the this is a pie war therd.)
end up on this one. as I walk away from the battle, I see a woman walking. as I come up to her I as who she is.
she saids ” ecila of the blackberries.”
130- You’re not allowed to control other people’s characters! It’s okay that time, because that’s what I would say anyway, but please don’t do that anymore.
I think I hear my ride (I’m going to a party). I’ll finish this encounter another time.
131- I will not. I just wanted to say that it was you.
If you’re really bored, I could attack.
133- I think Jadestone needs all the help she can get on the other thread.
I’ve been helping her. Can’t you tell? *pies*
I told ecila that my name is the man for aeiou , I am a jadestoner, and that is remindes me of some one who stayed with us. her name was alice of blackberries.
as the fort started to fall I ran out saying ” talk to you later!”
…placed agagabagabag on the bed in fort v.
“Drat, where is the healing creme..he can’t go down this easily…ah, here it is.”
*slathers creme over ag, ties him up and places him down*
“He should come to in about an hour, I assume…now…about this crust on my arm…what the heck is it, and how do I get it off…wait…this was the stuff on the pie mummy! Pc was gone…that must have been pc! Gotta contact him…hmmm..but I need to make sure ag recovers fully…hmmm.”
*sits down on bed, next to ag, who is on the floor*
*taps ag with foot*
“Moron…ah well…just gotta convince him of what’s going on…”
*looks at arm*
“great…how can I get this off…”
*whacks arm against wall*
“Nothing! Drat, this is tough…”
“I, man-gator, can you hear me?” A voice crackles over Gimanator’s walkie-talkie.
“PC! where are you?! What is this pie mummification thing on my arm? *takes deep breath*…most importantly, what do we do now?”
“Impenitrable? I highly doubt that. No offence to Gwen, but it is a first model. And it craked at the battle feild. One good thwack should do it…” I spoke into my comunicator. “Jadestone side, patrol around the fortress and pie anyone you see who is not with us. Use the weapons from the hideout in the woods. Vinilla has been scavenging around there, trying to steal our suplies. Be carefull though, that place is still very instable.”
I looked at Cainix, sizing up the crust. “We could always drop him off a battlement.”
Are you talking to me? If so, the crust is off, and I just talked to PC without the pie crust section.
“On second thought…I havea hostage here…and might be able to make negotiations…Pc, I need to contact gwen…”
“We’re meeting for a trade. Agagabagabag and the remnants of the Jadestone Fortress, in exchange for me. We’ll discuss this more later. I have some negotiations to work out. Over and out.”
“Nonsence…I know how to end this war!”
145- how?
“I just need to talk to gwen to negotiate, please.”
“Bwawaa? I’m on the wrong thred. White? Whiiii…”
Clunk.
“Waaa! Where am I? why is everything white?”
I’m not sure you knew about me, TMFA. No one did but Violindino.
“Look, bub, you gotta get me outta here! Where’s my pack?”
I rummage through it till I find my cell fone. I dial the op fortress.
“Hi, can I speak to Gwen? What? She’s hospitalized? Whatever, she can talk, right? Hey! Listen, wiseguy, this is agagabagabag zepata, and if you don’t hand over the fone right now, l’ll you of the top parapet when l get out of this albino hellhole!”
A pause. Gwen’s foice comes over the fone.
“Hello?”
(I stated earlier that I tied you up, but I’ll ignore it for you)
“Put that down now!”
*Hits ag’s hand with my golf club*
“Please note that you are weaponless; I don’t want a fight. Personally, I’m not at war with the op, but after what the jadestones did to my ship and crew, I won’t forgive them, and you could prove to be a valuable tool in the process…”
*Points golf club at ags head*
“So be a good boy at put your habds behind your back…friend.”
“Ow! Okay, okay!”
I mumble under my breath, “Zarking dib poppers!”
If I could only reach my bunny pager…
Ahh, I found post 141. Ignore it, is was suppsoed to be on the oher thread but we’ve no use for it now.
no matter. It let me get the crust off my arm though.
“Hello… Is anyone there? I’m sorry, I don’t have caller ID! Hello?”
I hung up, turning to Jadestone.
“Well, it’s very hard to break. And it’s impossible from the inside. Trust me, I did the testing myself, with a medley of pie weapons. And dropping him from a battlement at this point would be suicide. If he didn’t die, he’d contact the Vanillins to rain chaos on our heads. Even if he did die, they’d find out eventually. So really, both sides are in a needy position, and both do have a slight edge over the other. We’ll play fair for now.”
‘Listen to me! Hello, Gwen? I need to come to terms with the op, now. I understand you have Jadestone there.’
The phone rang again.
“Hello? Oh, Man-Gator. The terms? Okay. Yes, Jadestone is here. You have Ag, correct? Good. What did you have in mind? Yes, PC’s here too, if you can here him through the crust.
“Listen, I want more than just Pc-unencased. We are not at war with the op, and I want to keep it that way, but I want the life of jadestone. I will trade the life of Agagabagabag and the remains of jadestone fortress, failure to comply will result in agagabagabag’s death. What will it be? Agagabagabag or Jadestone? By the time we finish with the negotiations one of them wil be arranged to be killed. As in, you killing jadestone, she is the last cause of the war, and she must be punished.”
“Sir, that is an unfair deal. It seems as though the Op loses either way. In one course of action, Jadestone must die, resulting in the loss of an important ally, and the undying enmity of her followers. In another course of action, one of The Op’s greatest warriors dies. And if I remember correctly, you are not in command of the Vanillins currently. While PC is incarcerated, Piggy is in charge, as appointed by PC. I doubt PraCan or Piggy will be happy at such usurpment of duty, resulting in more trouble for you than there would be for we of the Op or the Jadestone Side. And in case you haven’t been paying attention, PraCan is still able to communiacate and hear what we’re saying. He is an honorable soldier, even if he is the enemy, and I think he will agree with me in saying that the way you are attempting to fight this war is despicable. It goes against every virtuous convention set down by the pie-flingers before us. Now, I thought we had a fair exchange; your leader for Ag and the remnants of Jadestone Fortress. To sweeten the deal, I will throw in a Jitte of Jujube Pie for each of your troops, and two belts of Nutmeg-and-Ginger-Flavored Crusts. Your vigilante style of carrying on with this war shows utter contempt for superiors of your army, not to mention violent ethics that Kokopelli himself would be ashamed of. Now, if you would be so kind as to put me on the phone with your temporary commander, Piggy, I would greatly appreciate it. I’m sure Piggy has some much more reasonable ideas when regarding this idea. But I will never kill Jadestone, and shall not let you harm Ag lethally- at least not without repercussions.”
I turned to PC’s pie-mummy.
“PraCan, if you can hear me, please voice your opinions about Man-Gator’s brash actions now.”
“Naturally he won’t approve, but I can kill ag, now, can’t I?”
“It does not matter if I die, all that needs to happen now is that Jadestone is punished for what she has done to my crew. I have nearly no more reason to live, now.” “So then, what will it be, it doesn’t have top be fair.”
“No.” My voice is cold and icy. “We are making a deal in which nobody perishes, hopefully. If you continue to act in this despicable manner, you will be stripped of all rank. Give the phone to Piggy, so that I can conduct the negotiations in a more civil manner.”
I growled. “He wants to kill me?” I glared at the phone Gwen was talking on. From what I could hear, he was trying to get her to trade Ag’s life for mine.
Turning to Gwen, I mouth (making sure my back is to PC’s crust; I was taking no chaces): We could threaten to kill PC, but that’s just skinging to his level and he’d know we didn’t mean it.” I pause, thinking. I wondered what Canix would think of his insubordinate soldier.
” I care no longer for rank. If you will not comply, I shall kill ag.”
Jesus, people, do something! Fast!
Whatever happened to chocolate?
164-If he hasn’t figured out that I’m insane, then he must think that I should be booted from vanilla.
“Gimanator, you are openly committing insubordination. If you continue this line of talk, you will be declared an enemy of Vanilla. I doubt you want that, considering that we are the only side not out for your blood right now. “
“I could with stand. I doubt you want to do that Pc, as I could easily destroy your base-I am in it and know it’s weaknesses. Well that’s that. Should I kill ag, or are you still arguing?”
“I agree. So kill Ag, and we three will unite forces temporarily, and bring chaos down on your foolish head, ending your life in all likelihood. All of us will do it for revenge, as you will have killed our best warrior, have betrayed PraCan, and will have robbed Jadestone of the remnants of her beloved fortress. You will be forever ill-regarded in the pages of history, and if you kill Ag for a side that has disowned you, then what purpose was there in your actions and your death? None. You will be remembered as a raving fool, who died for nothing. However, if you behave reasonably, perhaps the merciful PraCan will not bake your head into a pie, perhaps I can persuade Ag not to try to slaughter you, and perhaps Jadestone will not command Ishtar to eat you. Be reasonable. Even if PraCan breaks from his crust it is impossible to escape The Op Fort, as it has a special security code that only I know. And even if I were to kill Jadestone at this minute, I have a feeling you would not uphold your end of the bargain. So, Man-Gator. Be a sensible soldier, give the phone to your superior, Piggy, or face infinite consequences.”
170- Yeah, l’ll try not to rip him to pieces. And can you get my weaponns back?
Please excuse any flaws. I’m typing this without looking at the screen.
“Fools. I already have sufficient supplies taken from vanilla base, and it is rigged with bombs. My weapons are great and in great multitude. So no matter what you do, I shall kill Jadestone.”
*Hangs up phone*
*turns to ag*
“Fool. You see what happens?!”
The man who once was man-gator stood before agagabagabag, drooling, and with wide eyes.
“You’re going to die anyways.”
“You won’t be able to get out before it blows up, will you? Be seeing you-friend.”
*Presses button on metal mechanism*
*Dashes off into maze*
I mean maze of tunnels. It’s a cave remember.
This is excactly what I wanted! All the forces unite as equals to fight a powerful, chaotic, evil!
Fortunately, I still had a card or two left.
I whistle. A few seconds later, l heard a snap, and kelshino came running toward me. My weapons and supplies were still in his saddlebags. I grabbed my pie cannon and galloped straight for the wall, blasting through it. I went through the entire maze in this manner, until I reached the end.
I then called Gwen.
“Hey, Gwen? I tried to call you earlier. Gimanator set of a network of bombs to kill me, but l think l left the maze before him. It should be exploding soon. See you in a while. Bye.
The fort exploded.
I hit the button on my bunny pager.
172- No, not with me back. I have returned from Toronto, Canada.
Let’s pretend TMFA didn
t say that about Alice, because he never met Alice, since she was in Chocolate until she got knocked out during a duel. So Ecila knows nothing of her sister, but she’s very confused.
~~~~~~~~~
The young man, who said his name was The Man For Aeiou, suddenly turned and ran in a seemingly random direction, calling out as he did so, “Talk to you later!”
I stood there, utterly bemused. “What,” I asked the empty air, “is a ‘Jadestoner’?”
Then I remembered something that Prarilius Canix had said. A massive army called the Jadestones has set up fortresses on the borders of Chocolate and Vanilla…
“Oh . . .” I murmured. “So The Man For Aeiou is a Jadestoner, and I am sworn to help Vanilla . . .” I understood the implications of this, but I did not move to run after him. He had been peaceful enough.
But the Jadestone Fortress was coming down. My mind worked furiously. Either Vanilla or Chocolate had brought it down. Canix, Piggy, and Giminator made up Vanilla’s army, and they had gone to Chocolate. There were three options:
They had gone to the Chocolate castle and been captured,
They had brought down the Jadestone Fortress,
OR
They had got out of the carnage safely and were heading back towards Fort V.
Whichever of these were true, or something else entirely, I did not know, but I did not allow myself to think about. I set out quickly towards the Chocolate border.
Man-gator watched ayoung girl dresses in brown(i think). He racked up memory as quickly as he lost it. Ess-ecilia…He growled. She was from vanilla. Vanilla was the enemy, now.
He hurled a pie straight at her from the bush he was hiding. It was too fast. She would not be able to tell where it came from.
180- Wha? I thought Giminator was on the vanilla side! And Ecila is dressed in purple.
Something hit me in my stomach, knocking the breath out of me. I looked around, and then looked down. A cherry red stain was slowly spreading across my purple dress. I gasped in shock, and then realized that it must be pie filling, and not blood. But I had to get out of here.
Gripping my pistol tightly under my cloak, I hurried out of the woods.
181-are you in character? if not, read the posts on both threads.
Finally returning to Fort V, I pick up the phone and hit “redial.” “Hello? Is this Gwen? This is Piggy of Vanilla. I know what happened here. Agagabagabag Zepata has escaped on his dragon, and I, Man-gator has destroyed most of our fort. Can you put PC on the phone? I need to talk to him right away! If you think I’m lying, ask Ag when he returns. No doubt that dragon of his can go pretty darn fast. So, please, put PC on the phone!”
but wait…I rigged the entire base…
“Yes, of course you can talk to PC. The crust has actually cracked significantly, so here you go.”
Before handing the phone to PC, I asked him a question.
“Can you tell me what the plan is afterwards? You are pretty much not incarcerated anymore, and Ag has escaped, so the previous idea is null and void. However, revenge must be exacted on Gimanator. Please inform me if this goes well with you and Piggy, and I will arm the forces, as The Op seems to be the only side that has not significantly depleted its supplies and/or been decimated.”
I gave him the phone.
click.
“heh. I’m on…wiretap/connection complete.”
“Pc! long time no talk to! you cannot try to beat me, you fool. You should know you will fail. I already have forces.”
184- My pwnie. It’s like a horse.
185- I can’t speak for piggy, but I busted out.
Gwen, I asked for a dragon on the other thread. l’ll be gone for a while executing my plan.
185- When did you do anything to the Jadestone fortress?
I was talking about vanilla. We knocked down the fortress, remember?
This thread is still open.