(The Hitchhiker’s Guide to MuseB*log:
Useful Information for Optimizing Your Experience)
1. The Essentials
If you haven’t done it yet, see The Rules.
2. Not Exactly Essential, but Informative (at least until someone started singing the Llama Song)
3. Words You Need to Know
(If you don’t find a puzzling word below, try checking the Muse Glossary.
BA: Bunny Apocalypse, a role-playing saga about the final, cataclysmic war between humans and hot-pink bunnies. And then the next final, cataclysmic war between humans and hot-pink bunnies. And so on.
Cake: a mild all-purpose swear word found only on MuseBlog, in several variants (e.g., caking, what the cake?, oh, cake!). Derivation: cake is the opposite of pie.
Comment Zero: The heading of a new thread; the stuff the GAPAs post to launch a thread before MBers start posting with the comment form. Also referred to as Post Zero.
DIRP: Dumdum In a Responsible Position
Dread Phrase, the: “Remember, we’re all Musers here.” Universally acknowledged to be true, but usually interrupted by pie-throwing whenever anyone tries to say it.
en/ens/enself: An epicene (gender-neutral) pronoun often used by MuseB*loggers who don’t know, or don’t want to specify, whether the person they are referring to is male or female. “Ens” is possessive.
GAPA: Great And Powerful Administrator = Rosanne Spector/Robert Coontz/Paul Baker/Rebecca Lasley
hpb/hpbs: Hot-pink bunny/bunnies
Ko-konspiracy: The vast network of agents and operatives dedicated to executing plan “Mostly Harmless” and various nefarious subsidiary schemes. You’re part of it, by the way.
Lady Bunniful: Rebecca Lasley
MAP: MuseBlog Administrator Person = same as GAPA
“Mostly Harmless”: Code name for Musers’ plan for world domination
Nak: Nancy Kangas’s name in Ble
neophytes: Novice MBers; newcomers to the b*log
Norris, Chuck: Actor in the TV series “Walker, Texas Ranger.” Uses martial arts to defeat villains. Some MBers worship him as a demigod.
OEAD: Our Exalted Administrator Dude = same as GAPA
PAW: Popular Animal Writer = Donna Jackson
PB&J: Paul Baker, the jovial but elusive English GAPA
phytes: Short for neophytes (q.v.)
POPO or PoPo: Pointless post, a comment that has nothing to do with the thread it’s on.
POPOPO: Pointless-Post Police, vigilantes who impose virtual penalties to discourage posts they consider vacuous.
pwease: Just don’t say it.
Pwt pwns! A phrase (based on on*line-gamer slang) that glorifies Muse by declaring that the Muse Pwt owns all.
RPW: Role-Playing Writing, like a role-playing game but written in better prose.
RRR: Round-Robin ‘Riting, a collaborative MuseBlog art form in which people take turns writing short passages of a story.
SCAMPs: Slightly Crazy All-seeing Moderator Personages = GAPAs. Coined by Prarilius Canix.
SFTDP: Sorry for the Double Post.
SSSS: Stupid Senseless Smiley Stories. Hard to describe; you really have to see them to understand them.
WAM: Wonderfully Awesome Musewriter = Nancy Kangas
WOMBAT: Waste of Money, Brains, and Time
4. Frequently Asked Questions
Q. How do I sign up for MuseBlog?
A. You don’t have to. Just lurk until you feel like posting, and then post.
Q. What about that form for registering for a MuseBlog account?
A. You can sign up for an account, but there’s no need to. The only extra privileges you get by registering are the ability to play chess on the blog and to take part in a handful of special threads for people who have been posting on MuseBlog for at least six months. Everything else here is freely available to everyone.
Q. Why haven’t you approved my registration? Don’t you love me?
A. Because you don’t need to be registered (see previous answer), and we’d rather make sure you plan to stick around before we take the trouble to create an account. If you’ve been on the blog for six months and still don’t have an account, send us a reminder. We’re busy and tend to forget things. Lots of things. Most things, in fact.
Q. What does “Awaiting Moderation” mean?
A. The blog isn’t a chatroom. The administrators have to approve every message that MuseBloggers post. That might happen right away, or it might take hours. While you wait, the blog software thoughtfully sends you an “Awaiting Moderation” message to keep you company.
Q. Why does it take so long?
A. To teach you patience, Grasshopper.
Q. This is really a forum instead of a blog, isn’t it?
A. It’s based on blog software, but yes, it is run so that Musers instead of Administrators do most of the talking. Technically, our “threads” are blog posts, and MuseBloggers’ “posts” are comments on the posts. But they behave like threads and posts, so that’s how we usually refer to them.
Q. How can I start a new thread?
A. Only Administrators can launch new topic headings, so you’ll have to ask them to start one for you. They’re usually fairly reasonable, but they prefer to space out the new threads, so you may have to wait a little while.
Q. How can I get my birthday on the calendar?
A. Just mention what it is on the calendar page, and the GAPAs will get around to adding it sooner or later.
Nag Remind them if they take too long.
Q. Why do you ask for our e-mail addresses?
A. For two reasons:
(1) The blogging software automatically creates comment forms with blank boxes for e-mail addresses, and we haven’t figured out how to leave them out.
(2) Sometimes we have questions about a post or suspect that an adult might be posing as a kid. When that happens, it’s handy to to be able to contact the poster directly instead of asking questions in front of everybody else. We almost never have to do that, though, and we absolutely never use the e-mail addresses for any other purpose.
Some MuseBloggers fill in the blank with obviously bogus e-mail addresses. We let them post but keep a closer than usual eye on them. So far, we’re glad to say, we’ve had nothing remotely resembling serious trouble here.
Q. Why aren’t we allowed to post links?
A. To keep online stalkers from harassing MuseBloggers at their personal sites, to avoid complaints about links to “inappropriate” material that we haven’t had time to check, and to keep spambots from tracing links back to us and flooding the blog with spam. (Zapping spam already takes more time than we like.)
Q. Why aren’t my smileys working?
A. If the problem is with a “word” smiley, try leaving out the spaces between the colons and the word. If it’s a “picture” smiley and starts a line, add a space to its left. And remember to put two spaces between consecutive smileys.
Q. How can I turn my text different colors?
A. You can’t, generally, but you can make it look green by inserting it between the commands a and /a (each in angle brackets). GAPAs aren’t crazy about that, because green text also signals clickable links, so please don’t do it.
Q. How can I post a picture?
A. You can’t post a picture directly. Send it to the Administrators (thegapas @ gmail. com), and they’ll post it sooner or later.
Q. My issue of Muse is extremely late (or never arrived at all). What should I do?
A. Phone the publisher’s customer service department at 1-800-821-0115. The call is free, and the people there are friendly and helpful.
Q. Is this site really a conspiracy to take over the world?
A. What else could it be?
5. Smileys and Code Tricks
There’s now a separate page for them.
Date: October 18, 2005