Jokes & Riddles, v. 2010
Continued from v. 2009, in case you want to make sure your joke hasn’t been told before. On the other hand, does it really matter?
Date: February 21, 2010
Categories: Random craziness
Comments RSS TrackBack 87 comments
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LittleBasementKitten
in February 21st, 2010 @ 15:06Okay, this one is really funny. So, a duck goes to a grocery store and says to the butcher, “Hey. Got any grapes?” The butcher says, “No, I’m the butcher. Don’t come back.” The duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes back, goes to the butcher and says, “Hey. Got any grapes?” The butcher says, “No, I’m the butcher. Go away.” The duck leaves. The next day, the duck goes up to the butcher and says, “Hey. Got any grapes?” The butcher says, “No! If you come here one more time, I’ll nail your feet to the floor!” The duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes, walks up to the butcher and says, “Hey. Got any nails?”
“No”
“Got any grapes?”
It’s funny if you haven’t heard it before. First post?
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muse-Man
in February 22nd, 2010 @ 16:01I’ve heard it before, and it’s still as hilarious as ever. It’s my favorite duck joke, with a close runner-up being this:
Three friends go to Heaven after they die of some unnatural cause. St. Peter is standing at the gates, and he’s about to let them in when he says, “Oh, hang on a minute, I almost forgot to tell you something. Here in Heaven, we only have one rule, which is not to step on any ducks. Got it?” “Yes, yes,” the guys say impatiently, “just let us in.”
“Okay,” says Peter, shrugging, and opens the gates. These three guys suddenly realize that Heaven’s only rule is a pretty easy one to break, since the place is swarming with ducks. One of the guys, the daredevil of the three, decides to test what will happen if he breaks The Rule, so he goes over and steps on a duck. Immediately, by some divine kind of teleportation, Peter appears next to him. He conjures up a demon in mid-air, chains the guy to it, and sends them off where they won’t be troublesome.
Well, the other two guys are rather shaken by what they just witnessed, so they walk on, not deliberately stepping on anything. Alas, just because you aren’t doing something deliberately doesn’t mean that you won’t do it at all. The second guy quickly discovered this, because when he stepped on a duck, Peter appeared right next to him, chained him to an Amazon woman, and sent them off to some remote part of Heaven.
The third guy, as you might have guessed, vows to be as careful as possible around ducks. He goes for a day not stepping on any, then a month, then a whole year. He starts to feel pretty good about himself! So one day he’s walking along in some duck-free part of Heaven, when all of a sudden, Peter shows up next to him, chains him to this beautiful woman, and sends them off to a place where they can be alone together.
The guy says to her, “You must be my reward for not stepping on any ducks for a whole year!”
She turns to him and says, “Lucky you. I just stepped on one.”Hahaha…
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☼Zinc the sorceress☼
in February 22nd, 2010 @ 20:28Oh! My old principal told one like that! He and Mr. Payne were just dissing each other throughout the June SotM assembly.
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Thanks For All The Fish42
in February 22nd, 2010 @ 17:28Strange… My math teacher told that to the class yesterday…
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starr
in February 23rd, 2010 @ 19:25I’ve heard a slightly different version of that, only in the form of a cartoon. It was really funny in the cartoon.
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speller73
in February 22nd, 2010 @ 12:22How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb? One, she holds up the bulb and the world revolves around her.
How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb (take two)? Two, one to change the bulb and the other to hold the first soprano’s diet coke.
How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the bulb and the other to say “Isn’t that a little high for you?”.
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and the other to reminisce about how good the old bulb was.
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/gradster(1)/
in February 22nd, 2010 @ 12:38How many irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only two (although I’ve heard higher estimates, I like this version better). One to stand on a ladder and the other to drink until the room spins.
-A
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Silver Lining
in February 22nd, 2010 @ 21:19 Here’s my lightbulb joke (I didn’t actually think this one up):How many Beatles does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four…
John to come up with a lightbulb
Paul to claim half of the lightbulb
George to complain his lightsbulbs are never considered
and Ringo, to actually change the lightbulb.
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Pseudonym
in February 23rd, 2010 @ 19:19See, it’s all John’s and Paul’s fault. They never considered George’s lightbulb!
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SudoRandom
in February 23rd, 2010 @ 20:19Hmph. That’s not quite fair to Paul…
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Silver Lining
in February 24th, 2010 @ 05:51I know, right? I hate how everyone always picks on Paul because he only wrote “sappy love songs”, which isn’t true at all. All of my favourite Beatles songs are written by George or Paul. But the bit about Ringo was funny.
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SudoRandom
in February 24th, 2010 @ 06:45Yes, I like the bit about Ringo.
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Princess_Magnolia
in February 24th, 2010 @ 17:03I love Ringo!!
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Enceladus
in February 23rd, 2010 @ 19:53How many of me does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight.
One to stare at the burnt out bulb and run away screaming.
One to pull the other back and laugh evilly as the previous one’s soul is scarred.
One to tell the others to work on the project.
One to tell all the others that the lightbulb is poison in French.
One to actually change the bulb.
One to applaud at the previous one.
One to tell the second and first one that the bulb’s been changed.
And one to take over the world while everyone else is focused on the lightbulb.
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Silver Lining
in February 24th, 2010 @ 05:53That is a very, very disturbing joke…
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Princess_Magnolia
in February 24th, 2010 @ 17:04No, the “what’s red and gets louder and louder” joke is.
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Enceladus
in February 24th, 2010 @ 17:07Any joke about me has got to be disturbing. And actually it’s nine:
One to watch Doctor Who obsessively.
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Potatospudman
in April 16th, 2011 @ 16:37How many boy scouts doesit take to change a lightbulb?
Six, me and troop tested this out.
Two to carry the ladder.
One to hold the ladder in place.
One to climb up the ladder to chage it.
Own to get the lightbulb after the fourth one drops and breaks the origanal.
And one to climb up the ladder to hand the lightbulb to the fourth one.
I was the fourth one. I’m so clumsy.
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Princess_Magnolia
in February 22nd, 2010 @ 20:02The Dalai Lama was a very holy man. He fasted often. As a result of this, he barely ever brushed his teeth. He took long walks, wearing no shoes, which made his feet very tough. The Dalai Lama was extremely spiritual, and prayed often. However, he was also very old and frail. At the end of his life, he was a:
Super calloused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis.
Hahaha. That might have been on the old thread…
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Rosebud2
in February 24th, 2010 @ 17:32Yeah… I think it was about Ghandi, though…
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shadowfire
in March 25th, 2010 @ 21:44Yes, it was.
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KaiYves- Welcome Home, Endeavour!
in February 22nd, 2010 @ 20:43So what are the odds that in the same week NASA’s Ares project got cancelled, Marvel would kill of their character named Ares from the Avengers?
Well, you see, one engineer got a call from his little nephew, who asked “How’s your project going?”
The engineer tried to be stoic and tell his nephew the unvarnished truth. “Ares is dead.”
“Yeah, I heard about that. Didn’t he get killed on Asgard when the Green Goblin attacked?”
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Princess_Magnolia
in February 23rd, 2010 @ 18:17I don’t get it. Oh wait, yes I do! *fail*
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You Are Never Safe Without A Towel
in February 24th, 2010 @ 20:19A man swallowed a mouse while sleeping on the couch one day. His wife quickly called the doctor and said, “Doctor, please come quickly. My husband just swallowed a mouse and he’s gagging and thrashing about.” “I’ll be right over,” the doctor said. “In the meantime, keep waving a piece of cheese over his mouth to try to attract the mouse up and out of there.” When the doctor arrived, he saw the wife waving a piece of smoked herring over her husband’s mouth. “Uhh, I told you to use cheese, not herring, to lure the mouse.” “I know, doc,” she replied, “but first I’ve got to get the darn cat out of him!”
The FBI puts an Ad in the newspaper, “Wanted FBI agents.” After sorting through all the applicants they narrow it down to three. They bring the first in for an interview and the interviewing agent says to the gentleman, “We are the FBI, we solemnly do the duty of the country and always put the country before ourselves. Anything asked of us, we must do. Whether we like it or not. All our agents must be totally loyal.” The guy responds that he always wanted to be an FBI agent and it has been his dream. The agent then pulls out a gun and puts it on the table. “Please, go into the next room where your wife is and shoot her.” The gentleman gets a repulsed look upon his face. “I can’t do that. She is my wife and I love her with all my heart!” The agent than says that he just isn’t FBI material, but thanks him for coming down. They then bring in the second man. The agent goes over the speel of loyalty for the country above all else. “I always wanted to be an agent, my lifelong goal it was ever since I was a school boy,” he replies. The agent than proceeds to pull out the gun and place it on the table. “Please, go into the next room and shoot your wife,” FBI agent says, calmly. The man than replies, “I can’t do that, although we have our problems, I can’t kill her. She is the mother of my three kids…she’s just too important.” The agent offers his respect, but with regret tells him that he just isn’t FBI material. Finally, the third gentleman is brought in. They go over the speel and the agent puts the gun on the table and asks him to go shoot his wife. The man nods, takes the gun and enters the next room. Five or six shots are heard and then are proceeded by sounds of things slamming into the wall, tables splintering and shattering, muffled screams and metal bending. The FBI agent runs to the room with astonishment and confusion on his face. “What did you do?” The man calmly replies, “The gun was full of blanks, so I had to beat her to death with a chair!”
((I know they are long, but they are quite amusing))
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Ducky
in February 25th, 2010 @ 12:45I’ve seen the second one before, but the third person was a woman, which gives it a moral: girls can be nasty. (But in a good way! )
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KaiYves- Unity, Destiny, Tranquility!
in March 4th, 2010 @ 21:09Yes, the moral there is “Never mess with a woman!”
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Castle
in February 25th, 2010 @ 12:25That’s a great one.
Here is a story about one of the classic computer hacks.
Back in the mid-1970s, several of the system support staff at Motorola discovered a relatively simple way to crack system security on the Xerox CP-V timesharing system. Through a simple programming strategy, it was possible for a user program to trick the system into running a portion of the program in `master mode’ (supervisor state), in which memory protection does not apply. The program could then poke a large value into its `privilege level’ byte (normally write-protected) and could then proceed to bypass all levels of security within the file-management system, patch the system monitor, and do numerous other interesting things. In short, the barn door was wide open.
Motorola quite properly reported this problem to Xerox via an official `level 1 SIDR’ (a bug report with an intended urgency of `needs to be fixed yesterday’). Because the text of each SIDR was entered into a database that could be viewed by quite a number of people, Motorola followed the approved procedure: they simply reported the problem as `Security SIDR’, and attached all of the necessary documentation, ways-to-reproduce, etc.
The CP-V people at Xerox sat on their thumbs; they either didn’t realize the severity of the problem, or didn’t assign the necessary operating-system-staff resources to develop and distribute an official patch.
Months passed. The Motorola guys pestered their Xerox field-support rep, to no avail. Finally they decided to take direct action, to demonstrate to Xerox management just how easily the system could be cracked and just how thoroughly the security safeguards could be subverted.
They dug around in the operating-system listings and devised a thoroughly devilish set of patches. These patches were then incorporated into a pair of programs called `Robin Hood’ and `Friar Tuck’. Robin Hood and Friar Tuck were designed to run as `ghost jobs’ (daemons, in UNIX terminology); they would use the existing loophole to subvert system security, install the necessary patches, and then keep an eye on one another’s statuses in order to keep the system operator (in effect, the super user) from aborting them.
One fine day, the system operator on the main CP-V software development system in El Segundo was surprised by a number of unusual phenomena. These included the following:
* Tape drives would rewind and dismount their tapes in the middle of a job. * Disk drives would seek back and forth so rapidly that they would attempt to walk across the floor. * The card-punch output device would occasionally start up of itself and punch a lace card. These would usually jam in the punch. * The console would print snide and insulting messages from Robin Hood to Friar Tuck, or vice versa. * The Xerox card reader had two output stackers; it could be instructed to stack into A, stack into B, or stack into A (unless a card was unreadable, in which case the bad card was placed into stacker B). One of the patches installed by the ghosts added some code to the card-reader driver… after reading a card; it would flip over to the opposite stacker. As a result, card decks would divide themselves in half when they were read, leaving the operator to re collate them manually.
Naturally, the operator called in the operating-system developers. They found the bandit ghost jobs running, and X’ed them… and were once again surprised. When Robin Hood was X’ed, the following sequence of events took place:
!X id1
id1: Friar Tuck… I am under attack! Pray save me! id1: Off (aborted)
id2: Fear not, friend Robin! I shall rout the Sheriff of Nottingham’s men!
id1: Thank you, my good fellow!
Each ghost-job would detect the fact that the other had been killed, and would start a new copy of the recently slain program within a few milliseconds. The only way to kill both ghosts was to kill them simultaneously (very difficult) or to deliberately crash the system.
Finally, the system programmers did the latter — only to find that the bandits appeared once again when the system rebooted! It turned out that these two programs had patched the boot-time OS image (the kernel file, in UNIX terms) and had added themselves to the list of programs that were to be started at boot time.
The Robin Hood and Friar Tuck ghosts were finally eradicated when the system staff rebooted the system from a clean boot-tape and reinstalled the monitor. Not long thereafter, Xerox released a patch for this problem.
It is alleged that Xerox filed a complaint with Motorola’s management about the merry-prankster actions of the two employees in question. It is not recorded that any serious disciplinary action was taken against either of them.
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shadowfire
in February 27th, 2010 @ 14:54Sorry, but continuing with the lightbulb jokes:
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
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LittleBasementKitten and Mayl (->-) and Kityera (^>^) with various characters on RPGs
in February 27th, 2010 @ 16:26
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KaiYves- Unity, Destiny, Tranquility!
in March 4th, 2010 @ 21:08Geography teacher: “If we were to start digging a hole right here in the classroom and we tried to go all the way through the center of the Earth, who knows where we would end up?”
Student: “In a madhouse.”
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Selenium the Quafflebird
in March 29th, 2010 @ 06:27“Risum teneatis, amici?” No, I can’t help laughing.
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Castle
in March 11th, 2010 @ 10:18My buddy and I made this up a few years ago (a parody ad):
“Hello. This program was sponsored by PETA, People Eating Tasty Animals, which is a government society of people eating tasty animals, as the name suggests. So eat tasty animals today, for the sake of your healthy goodness! (Amen!)”
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LittleBasementKitten
in March 15th, 2010 @ 16:35You: *get glass of water* *hold it to the ceiling* *give Idiot a broom* Hey, can you hold the glass up here for me?
Idiot: *puts handle of broom against bottom of full glass of water* So…how do I get it down?
You: Oh, you don’t. *walk away*
Idiot: *stares at glass* Uh…help?
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Daisy*chain
in March 16th, 2010 @ 22:51That only works if you can reach the ceiling yourself, though… Or you could stand on a chair… *rambles*
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Capricious
in March 16th, 2010 @ 09:09You have to tell this one to your friends in order for it to actually be funny.
You: “Knock, knock!”
Them: “Who’s there?”
You: “I eat mop.”
Them: “I eat mop who?”
You: “You eat your poo?!”I’m so crude. But I love it.
Just popping in to check up on you all like I do. I really should try to come on here more often!
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Robert Coontz (Administrator)
in March 16th, 2010 @ 09:26Hello, Capricious! Always good to see you here, even if you tell the worst jokes in the world.
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Ducky
in March 16th, 2010 @ 17:56I actually like that joke. Does that mean that thre’s something wrong with me (and my brain)?
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LittleBasementKitten
in June 12th, 2010 @ 09:25No, I like it too. Unless there’s something wrong with both our brains…
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LittleBasementKitten
in March 16th, 2010 @ 18:0612-I liked it too.
Okay, here’s on me and my (guy) friends made up.
Guy #1-Look, a retarded mushroom!
Me-What?
Guy #1-Look, a retarded mushroom!
Me-I see something retarded
Guy#1+#2-What?
Me-*looking at Guy #1* I’m looking at it.You have to remember, these are 6th grade guys. They honestly don’t care about these things.
DO NOT TRY ON PARENTS.
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Pax the Hamster
in March 16th, 2010 @ 21:51Really lame, not that funny at all joke that has me in stitches right now:
Why were the Native Americans here first?
They had reservations!
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muselover
in March 16th, 2010 @ 23:09I know another joke that fits that description!
Why don’t dinosaurs talk?
‘CAUSE THEY’RE ALL DEAD!!You need extra emphasis on that last part for the effect to work.
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Princess_Magnolia
in March 25th, 2010 @ 20:14How do you fit my backpack in a blender?
Take the babies out first.
*grumble* Stupid fat baby backpack…
Okay, it was funny at the time…when I was like, “How do you fit my backpack in a blender?” after calling it a fat baby bag, and she was like, “Take the babies out first!” and it was funny….yeah.
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Cello-Playing Mathematician (AKA Kyra)
in May 13th, 2010 @ 20:27How do you fit a giraffe in a fridge?
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SudoRandom
in May 29th, 2010 @ 09:52You open the fridge, put the giraffe in, and shut the fridge.
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Randomosity101
in September 18th, 2010 @ 19:32How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
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bluefire27 and Drake (^o^)
in October 3rd, 2010 @ 18:53You open the fridge, take out the giraffe, and put the elephant in the fridge.
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LittleBasementKitten
in October 3rd, 2010 @ 19:11There’s a council of animals on the savannah. Which one is missing?
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KaiYves
in October 3rd, 2010 @ 20:10The elephant, because he’s in the fridge!
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Enceladus
in October 4th, 2010 @ 05:46You need to cross a river inhabited by human eating (and hating) alligators. How do you do so unharmed?
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Robert Coontz (Administrator)
in October 4th, 2010 @ 07:23Push Summer Glau into the river first. That will solve the alligator problem, albeit in an ecologically insensitive way.
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Mikazuki
in October 4th, 2010 @ 13:49Take the very cold Elephant and use him as a bridge. Today I am celebrating elephant appreciation day. (A bit late…) GO ELEPHANTS!!!
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Enceladus
in October 4th, 2010 @ 15:05Both wrong.
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Bibliophile
in October 4th, 2010 @ 23:22There’s an elephant appreciation day?! When is it?
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SudoRandom
in October 4th, 2010 @ 15:50Just swim! All this crocodiles are at the council!
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Enceladus
in October 4th, 2010 @ 16:41‘Zactly.
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SudoRandom
in October 4th, 2010 @ 17:21While I have you, CHESS.
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Zinnober 9
in November 8th, 2010 @ 12:21How do you put an alligator in the fridge?
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Ghost of Pie Girl
in April 16th, 2011 @ 17:26Raft on Justin Beaver.
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KaiYves- Hail, Atlantis!
in May 28th, 2010 @ 19:2016- You get a really big fridge.
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f+h and AlpacaLips
in May 29th, 2010 @ 10:34Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Doctor!
Doctor who?
No, it’s just the Doctor. Don’t blink!
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Armada
in May 29th, 2010 @ 11:10Argh. I wanted to post that one.
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AlpacaLips (f&h's dad)
in May 29th, 2010 @ 14:07Whose doctor?
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bluefire27 and Drake (o_o)
in June 12th, 2010 @ 09:13They’re talking about Doctor who, a TV/Internet show that three-quarters of MuseBlog is obsessed with.
And my apologies if you were being sarcastic. It’s hard to tell over the internet.
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bluefire27 and Drake (o_o)
in June 12th, 2010 @ 09:13Oops. Never mind. (Fines self 50,000 kilos chocolate)
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Rainbow*Storm
in March 29th, 2011 @ 01:29Harry Potter joke:
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
You know.
You know who?
AAH! Where?
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Vendaval
in September 18th, 2010 @ 10:25So a young Buddhist monk enters a pizza parlor, and walks up to the counter. Uncertain about what to order, as he’ll be bringing a pie back to the monastery, he studies the menu for a while and decides that there’s only one way to please all the monks. “So what’ll it be?” asks the chef. “I want you to make me one with everything” replies the monk.
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Robert Coontz (Administrator)
in September 18th, 2010 @ 10:33Part 2.
The pizza chef says, “That’ll be ten bucks.” The monk hands him a 20, and waits. And waits. And waits. Finally he asks, “Aren’t you going to give me my change?” The pizza man smiles and replies, “Change must come from within.”
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LittleBasementKitten should not be on here! She should be writing! Encourage her!
in November 20th, 2010 @ 16:31Here’s a funny joke!
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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Enceladus
in November 20th, 2010 @ 17:34Here’s another along thosse lines:
Why did the dyslexic convert to Christianity?
He saw a sign that said “Beware of Dog”
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shadowfire
in November 20th, 2010 @ 23:29What do you call a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night, contemplating the existence of Dog.
(I first heard that joke when I didn’t know what any of those terms meant. From my mom. Guess that explains my weird sense of humor)How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
To get to the other side.
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Randomostiy 101
in November 22nd, 2010 @ 20:0220- That is pretty funny!
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as can play piano and ride a vacuum cleaner (at the same time) while sleepwalking.How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ah, but what are numbers, anyhow?How many purists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, but it only takes one to light a candle.How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One, as soon as en is finished composing verse about vanquishing the dark.How many realists does it take to change a light bulb?
How ever many it takes!(I’m sorry these aren’t very good, I made them myself.)
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Enceladus
in April 16th, 2011 @ 15:59How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
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Zinnober 9
in December 15th, 2010 @ 17:45A word joke:
In other news, Apple launched their latest device today; a rubber ball called the “iBall”.
We have rumors that their next item will be a hat called the “iLid”.
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KaiYves- Go, STS-133!
in December 15th, 2010 @ 19:30
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bookgirl_me
in April 16th, 2011 @ 14:53Here’s a riddle:
Three men walk into a store and decide to buy a trunk. The trunk costs 30$, so each of them pay 10$. After they’ve left, the shopkeeper realizes the trunk was on sale and only costs 25$, so he tells his assistant to run after them and give them back the 5 extra dollars. But the assistant thinks to himself: “5 isn’t divisible by three!”, so he pockets 2$ and gives each man a dollar. So each man technically paid 9$ for the trunk.
27$ (the three men)+ 2$ (the money the apprentice stole) = 29$. What happened to the extra dollar?
((I originally read about this riddle in a german book, but it keeps popping up here and there. Fun, no?))
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Enceladus
in April 16th, 2011 @ 16:04Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gases here.” Argon doesn’t react.
There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data…
How many computer programers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Whoa, wait, that’s a hardware problem.(Thank you, Vlogbrothers!)
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26
ZNZ
in April 16th, 2011 @ 16:35One of my favourite jokes: So there’s a man with a pet cat. This man loves his cat more than he loves anything in the world. He’s crazy about his cat. And one day he decides that he’s going to go on a vacation. But he can’t take his cat with him. So he calls up his brother, and he says, “Hey, can you watch my cat for me while I’m gone?”
“Sure,” says the brother.
“Thanks! I’ll be gone for three weeks, so I’ll try to call once a week.”
So the brother says, “Sure, no problem, have a good time.” And the guy goes off.
The first week the guy is gone, he calls his brother, and he says, “How’s my cat doing?”
“Well,” says the brother, “your cat died.”
The guy starts crying, he cries and cries. Eventually he gets control of himself, and he says, “Look, I know it’s not easy to tell someone bad news, but if you ever have to do it, it’s best to break it to a person slowly. Like, the first time I called, you’d say ‘Well, your cat’s stuck up on a roof, and I can’t get her down.’ The second week, you’d say, ‘Well, she’s fallen off the roof, and I’ve taken her to the vet, but she’s not doing well.’ Then, the third week, I’ll be prepared to hear that she died.”
“Oh,” says the brother, “I didn’t know. But okay, if I ever have to give you bad news again I’ll do it like that, I promise.”
“Thanks.” Then the guy thinks of something else. “Hey, how’s Mom doing?”
The brother hesitates. “Well,” he says, “she’s stuck up on the roof and we can’t get her down.”
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27
Potatospudman
in April 16th, 2011 @ 16:57A reporter is interviewing people on the street about local issues. She goes upto an old woman and asks “Which is a bigger issue in society, apathy or ignorance?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care” the woman replies.
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Rainbow*Storm
in April 16th, 2011 @ 22:46Why did the tube worm wear all black?
It was emosynthetic.… You know you fail at life when you read that joke and knew about chemosynthesis, but had to look up what an “emo” was.
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28.1
Bibliophile
in April 17th, 2011 @ 10:32No, you win at life.
(NOTE: This is because it’s such a common pop culture term, not because there’s anything wrong with being emo. I just don’t want to cause confusion or, worse, offense).
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28.2
KaiYves
in May 15th, 2012 @ 08:21OMG, yes.
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Unintended Pun
in May 8th, 2011 @ 20:22(in a conversation with someone who was trying to figure out if she was bisexual)
” is it like we’re all just… shades of gay? 8) “
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Rainbow*Storm
in July 30th, 2011 @ 01:30I was Hungary, so Iran over to Czech the fridge. There was some Turkey, but it was covered in Greece and I was like “Ew, there is Norway I can eat that.” So I had some Chile instead.
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Rainbow*Storm
in August 12th, 2011 @ 22:39There are two types of people in the world. Those who can stay on topic, and pasta salad.
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Kai D
in May 14th, 2012 @ 19:52It’s hard for a joke to make another joke laugh.
It’s also hard to keep a socialist from going to the carnival, because they’re all about fair(s).
Mom said I was being a pain in the brain, and I said, “Correct. But painkillers don’t kill me, they just make me angry.”
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KaiYves
in October 24th, 2014 @ 22:17Why did Count Dracula order the salad? Because his doctor said stake was bad for his heart!
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KaiYves
in November 8th, 2015 @ 00:26I believe I can tap a previously-unexploited consumer demographic by opening a shop that sells both outdoor goods and souvenirs decorated with images of dolphins and whales.
It will be called “All in Tents and Porpoises”.
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